The world doesn’t appreciate me!

Being a time traveler, as I assume most bloggers are, I sat down with some representatives from the mainstream media and popular culture in the year 2019 to discuss the impact of former President Obama’s “post” Presidency, which lasted roughly from his unofficial abdication in late 2013 until January 20, 2017.  Joining me in the discussion will be former Meet the Press host David Gregory, Mexican mouse Speedy Gonzalez and Gwyneth Paltrow.

MI: Good afternoon all.

SG:¡Andale! ¡Andale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba! ¡Yii-hah

DG: I have a 30 round gun magazine in my hand.

GP: Just because I believe water has feelings does not make me batshit insane.

MI: Yes it does Ms. Paltrow.  Now let’s talk about the interregnum.  The first in U.S. history where a sitting president got bored with his job and effectively left office to play golf for the remainder of his term.  I have the statistic here and between December 2013 and January 2017 President Obama went golfing 452 times, attended Broadway plays 286 times, had dinner with interesting Italians 272 times and vacationed in Martha’s Vineyard 96 days leaving only 89 days in three years where he was in his office.

DG: I remind you I have a 30 round gun magazine in my hand.  

MI: Your point being?

DG: Don’t make fun of President Obama. He’s a brilliant intellect and America didn’t deserve him.  The world community didn’t appreciate him.  And so he left the world to its own devices.

MI: Do you think that was wise?  After ISIS captured the entire middle east Obama issued a statement saying that the development was almost as disturbing as his latest round of golf.  What sort of message do you think that sent to Putin, who then occupied Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania?

DG: I have a 30 round gun magazine in my hand.

MI: You know that’s illegal.  I could have you arrested.

[Police place David Gregory in Handcuffs]

DG:You can’t arrest me.  I’m David Gregory.  I used to host Meet the Press.  I was important!  Please. Let me be important again. The only job I’ve had since I was fired was playing Pete Best in a dinner theater production of Beatlemania.

[Gregory is tasered and led away]

MI: I guess that leaves just the three of us.  Speedy let me direct this question to you.  After the 2014 midterms went disastrously for the Democrats and they lost the Senate, President Obama unilaterally opened the southern border and granted amnesty to all.  Soon after that Texas, California and New Mexico seceded and joined Mexico.

SG: Si.  They no make southern borders like they used to.  Speedy no have to be speedy anymore.  Swim across river and come into Texas.  Speedy become slow and put on mucho weighto.  Speedy take nitrates for chest pain and can no take Cialis.  Speedy no have fun with the ladies.

MI: And you blame President Obama?

SG: Si. El Presidente ignore responsibility.  Speedy made bad lifestyle choices because of senor.

MI: I see.

SG: Speedy feel tightness in el pecho.  Speedy collapse.

[Speedy clutches his chest and collapses unconscious]

MI: Is he dead?

GP: Death is an organic process.  Decomposition is beautiful. When I die I’m going to have my decomposition photographed and put on Twitter.

MI: Okay, now Miss Paltrow, since it’s only the two of us left me ask you about the time Putin invaded Canada  in 2015 and used it as a forward base to attack the United States.

[Silence]

MI: Miss Paltrow?

GP: You gave me a glass of water.  

MI: Yes.

GP: A glass of water to drink.

MI: Yes.

GP:  You realize water has feelings.  Is this part of your war on water?

MI: Um.  No I just thought you might be thirsty. Now back to the question, When Putin invaded Canada – 

GP: I refuse to answer that question until this glass of water is set free. 

MI: You don’t want to drink it?

GP:  The only fluid I drink is my own urine.

MI: Right.  Well I see we’re out of time.  I’ll just back away slowly.

And so ended my trip to 2019.  I’m not going to tell you who’s president in 2019 but think hair plugs, white trash and Delaware.

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