I am NOT your girl toy!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I am pleased to have an exclusive interview with New York’s junior Senator,  the lovely Kirsten Gillibrand.

MI: Good afternoon Senator Gillibrand.

KG: You called me lovely?  You called me lovely?  I am not your girl toy!

MI: Um, sorry.

KG: Would you call Chuck Schumer lovely?

MI: Well no.  He’s quite homely.

KG: Precisely.  I am so sick of you non-Democratic men and your non-Democratic double standards of sexism.

MI: Okay, okay.  Let’s start the interview.  In your new book you talk about a senator who called your porky.  Which senator was this?

KG: I don’t remember.  I don’t remember his name.

MI: Seriously?  It’s not like there are thousands of senators.

KG: No. I don’t remember his name.  Let me just say that comments like that are so typical of Republican men and their war on women.

MI: So he was a Republican?

KG: I assume so.  I don’t remember who he was.

MI: You can’t remember a face?  He’s a colleague after all.  I assume you must have bumped into him on the Senate floor.

KG: I don’t remember.  And let me just say that comments like his are sadly not isolated.  One other senator walked up to me and took his member out and started stroking it while saying, “Come on honey.  I know you want it.”

MI: My god that’s horrible.  Who was this?

KG:  I don’t recall.  I’m hazy on the name.  All I know is he was a Republican senator from Colorado.

MI: Colorado doesn’t have a Republican senator. He must have been a Democrat.

KG: No. You must be mistaken. A Democrat would never do that.  Democrats have respect for women and female reproductive freedom. They aren’t part of the partisan war on women waged by Republicans.

MI: Yes. Of course.

KG: And another time a colleague brought me into his office.  I thought he was going to discuss a bill.  But instead he sat me on his couch and started pulling my dress up.  “Trust me” he kept saying.  “I’m a senator.”  Well he had me.  I was taken against my will and violated sexually.

MI: Who was this?

KG: I don’t remember. He was a Republican from Connecticut.

MI: Again, Connecticut doesn’t have a Republican senator. He must have been a Democrat.

KG: Isn’t that just like right-wing bloggers such as yourself.  Always trying to make partisan points instead of talking about the important things, like Republicans and their medieval attitude towards women. It’s a war.  They want all woman barefoot, pregnant and tied to the stove.

MI: I don’t think  that is quite accurate.

KG: Oh and I almost forgot. One time a senator said I looked “chipper.”

MI: Chipper?  Is that all?

KG: Yes but it’s the deeper meaning of chipper that bothers me. He called me chipper because he didn’t think of me as an equal.

MI: Right. I suppose you don’t know who this was either?

KG: Oh yes I know who it was.  It was Marco Rubio.  A Republican.

MI: Right.

KG: So typical of Republicans.

MI: Well that’s about all the questions I have time for.  

KG: Are you dismissing me?

MI: Um, well, I guess you could say that.  The interview’s over.

[Gillibrand starts yelling.]

KG: You Republicans are all alike.  You use women and toss them aside.

MI:  Jesus all that’s happening is the interview is over.

[Gillibrand starts to unbutton her blouse.]

KG: I’m going to have to sleep with you aren’t I?  I am tired of being used by right-wingers!

MI: Right  Bye.

KG: Please. Please. I beg you. Don’t leave me.

And that was the interview.  The bitch is crazy.

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