My Exclusive Interview with Cee Lo Green

If youse aint awake it aint rape

If youse aint awake it aint rape

Today at Manhattan Infidel it is my pleasure to interview one half of the hip hop group Gnarls Barkley and one of the hosts of “The Voice” currently seen on NBC, Cee Lo Green.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Green.

CLG: Let’s make this quick honky.  I got stuff to do.

MI: Um.  Okay.  Let’s start off with the recent controversy surrounding your comments on rape.  You were convicted of felony ecstasy possession and you were accused of giving ecstasy to a woman you had sex with.

CLG: Yeah I gave the bitch some of my stuff.  Bitch never thanked me for it.  What of it?

MI: You tweeted that it wasn’t rape since the victim was not awake.  Let me read your tweet for you: “If someone is passed out they’re not even WITH you consciously.  With implies consent.”  And there is another tweet of yours that says “People who have been raped REMEMBER.”

CLG: So. What’s your point?

MI: Do you honestly expect people to believe that because the women you had sex with was asleep that it wasn’t rape?

CLG: Yes I do.  What’s the big deal?  All the woman I have sex with are asleep.

MI: What?

CLG: Word. I’m on The Voice with Christina Aguilera.  She is fine.  I want to f*ck her.  But she’s always awake and her bodyguards won’t let me into her hotel room when she’s sleeping.  I’m gonna give her some ecstasy and see if that makes her sleepy.

MI: So ALL of the women you have sex with are asleep?

CLG: Yeah.  Cee Lo’s sensitive about the size of his manhood.  When bitch is asleep bitch can’t make fun of it.

MI: I don’t know what to say.

CLG: Cee Lo’s got a tiny member.  It’s tiny!  Cee Lo cries a lot because it’s tiny.

MI: Um.

CLG: Would you like to see it?

MI: No thanks.

CLG: Oh come on baby.  Let Cee Lo stick it in your face.

MI: I’m going to go now.

CLG: Let Cee Lo stick it in your face. Why won’t you let Cee Lo stick it in your face. Are you going to laugh at my tiny d*ck? Don’t laugh.  Cee Lo is ashamed when he cries.

MI: Um, I – 

CLG: It’s because you are awake. Just like all those bitch women.  Go to sleep bitch.

MI: I’m leaving now.

CLG: Wait.  Come back.  I want to give you my political opinions.  I want to talk about the Republicans and their war on women!  Come back!

That was certainly a strange interview.  It took a lot of of me.  I’m very sleepy.  Wait.  Ah f*ck he put something in my drink!


3 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Confucious say rape impossible; woman with skirt up run faster than man with pants down.

  2. The dude needs an implant to improve his self esteem Then there’s this Equadorian woman with a sharp knife I]d like to introuce him to.

  3. petermc3 says:

    Remind me never to go on overnight camping trip with a rapper.

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