You shall love the Democratic Party with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind

Today at Manhattan Infidel I want to explore a topic that should be of much interest to all Americans:  The Ten Commandments of the Democratic Party.

These commandments, hallowed by antiquity and the 1960s have been the source of Democratic theology and moral law.

For those of my readers who may be unfamiliar with these commandments I now present them to you in their entirety*

Commandment Number One

I am the Democratic Party, your God, who brought you out of the land of the 1950s, that place of slavery filled with white heteronormative patriarchy.

You shall have no other Gods besides me.  You shall not carve idols for yourselves in the shape of any Republican. You shall not bow down before them or worship them or say they accomplished anything in office.

For I, the Democratic Party, your God, am a jealous Party, inflicting punishment down to the third of fourth generation to any that vote Republican.  Don’t think I can do it?  Just wait until the IRS audits you.

But I will bestow mercy and public pensions on the children of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Commandment Number Two

You shall not take the name of the Democratic Party, your God, in vain.  For the Democratic Party in the name of Harry Reid will not leave unpunished him who takes his name in vain or votes against him.

Commandment Number Three

Remember to keep holy Election Day.  Six days you may labor and do all your work. But Election Day is the Sabbath of the Democratic Party, your God.  You shall leave work early and get to the polling station. That is why the Democratic Party has blessed the Sabbath and made it holy.  For on that day the dead shall come from their graves and vote Democratic.

Commandment Number Four

Honor your two fathers or your two mothers for marriage equality is sacred to your Lord the Democratic Party.

Commandment Number Five

You shall not kill the Delta Smelt Fish. You shall divert water from farmers so that the Delta Smelt can live.  For the Lord the Democratic Party your God believes animals are equal to peoplekind.

Commandment Number Six

You shall commit adultery for the Lord, the Democratic Party is not bound by bourgeois tradition.

Commandment Number Seven

You shall not steal.  Let us do it for you.  For the Lord, the Democratic Party holds wealth redistribution to be sacred.  And it’s not stealing when we do it.

Commandment Number Eight

You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.  Unless he disagrees with the Lord, the Democratic Party.  In which case you may call him a racist and boycott him and take away his livelihood.

Commandment Number Nine

You shall covet your neighbor’s wife.  You want her.  Go for it.  For it is cruel to deny man the fruits of his sexuality.

Commandment Number Ten

You shall covet your neighbor’s house or anything else that belongs to him.  For the Lord, the Democratic Party, is deeply offended by income inequality.  Why should your neighbor make more than you or have more possessions than you?  It’s not fair.

* Exactly when the commandments of the Democratic Party were numbered as ten is unknown though many credit Franklin Delano Roosevelt who was known to be bad at math, having run for four terms instead of two.

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