The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XIII)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

Barack, knowing that his hour had come, that he should pass out from too much wine; having loved his own and hated and wanted to punish his enemies just like he told the Hispanics to do, he loved his friends unto the end and made sure they got government grants to open wind tunnel farms.

And when supper was done he riseth from supper, and layeth aside his garments for he did not believe in bourgeois social conventions.

He putteth water into a basin, and began to wash the feet of his disciples in the MSM, just like Rex Ryan of the New York Jets would.

He cometh therefore to Joe Biden.  And Biden saith to him:  Dost thou wash my feet?  This is a big f*cking deal!

Barack answered, and said to him:  What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.  Or, maybe not.  You’re Joe Biden after all.

Joe Biden saith to him:  Thou shalt never wash my feet. For they stinketh much and I don’t want you to pass out.  Barack answered him:  If I wash thee not, thou shalt be washed by the Secret Service and they have hoses and won’t be gentle.

Joe Biden saith to him:  Barack, not only my feet, but also my hands and my head.

Barack saith to him:  Yeah, don’t press your luck dirty white boy.

Then after he had washed their feet, and taken his garments back on, hiding his young, muscular physique that made his disciples in the MSM moan, he said to them:  Know you what I have done?  You call me Constitutional scholar, and you say well, for so I am.  If then I being a Constitutional scholar have washed your feet, you also ought to wash on an0ther’s feet.  Except for Joe, the dirty white boy.

Amen, amen I say to you:  The citizen is not greater than the State; neither is the Constitution greater than the President.

When Barack had said these things, he was troubled in spirit, probably because of the un-American Koch brothers; and he testified, and said:  Amen, amen, I say to you, one of you shall betray socialism.

The disciples in the MSM therefore looked upon another, doubting of whom he spoke.

Now there was leaning on Barack’s bosum one of his disciples, whom Barack loved.  No, not a Pakistani man, but another one.

Barack said:  He it is to whom I shall reach gluten-free bread dipped.  And when he had dipped the gluten-free bread, he gave it to Valerie Jarrett.

After the morsel, the spirit of the Koch brothers entered her.  And Barack said to her:  That which thou dost, do quickly before Fox news finds out.

Now no man at the table knew to what purpose he said this to her.  For some thought, because Jarrett had the purse, that Barack had said to her:  Buy some shoes.

When she therefore was gone out, Barack said:  Now is the son of socialism glorified.

A new commandment I give unto you:  That you love one another, and their feet, and you punish your enemies.

Joe Biden saith to him:  Why cannot I follow thee now?  I will lay down my life for thee. For I am just the Vice President and do not matter.

Barack answered him:  Wilt thou lay down life for me? Amen, amen I say to thee, the cock shall not crow, till thou say something stupid thrice.

(To be continued)


One Response

  1. I call bull shit on Chris Mathew’s gospel. There ain’t no way Barack the Obama would ever wash a white man’s feet.

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