The Official Al Sharpton Wire Transcripts

Does this track suit make my butt look fat?

Does this track suit make my butt look fat?

Manhattan Infidel was formed for one reason: To make it easier to pick up women Relax everyone’s doing it Jiggers it’s the cops run! To expose the truth!

With the news that noted race hustler civil rights leader Al Sharpton wore a wire for the FBI in the early 1980s the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel was on the case.

Presented for your approval the official Al Sharpton/FBI wire transcripts.

The scene:  New York City, 1983.

Tape One:

Undercover FBI agent:We need you to set up this cocaine deal.  Can  you do that for us Reverend?  There’s a ten percent finders’ fee for you.  

Sharpton:I can get pure coke for about 35,000 a kilo.

Undercover FBI agent:Not bad.  Not bad.

Sharpton:Hey, does this track suit make my butt look fat?

Stop looking at my butt!

Stop looking at my butt!

Undercover FBI agent:Um. No. Not at all.

Tape Two:

Undercover FBI agent:You did good getting all that cocaine for us.

Sharpton:No problem  Anything for my boys in the FBI.  You know black people love cocaine.

Undercover FBI agent:Um.

Sharpton:Seriously we love cocaine.  I bath in it. I use it in my hair.  

Does my hair look fat?

Does my hair look fat?

You could call me the cocaine-loving Reverend.  That’s how my race is different that those drunken Irish boys.  Do you want me to kill anyone?  Some Irish boys?

Undercover FBI agent: Um.  No.  No!  We just want you to set up some cocaine buys for us.

Sharpton:Well if you want me to kill anyone let me know.  I’m your boy.

Tape Three:

Undercover FBI agent:Reverend, thanks for meeting with us.

Sharpton:Sorry I’m late.

Undercover FBI agent:No problem.  What’s that smell?

Sharpton:Gasoline.  I was burning down Jew-owned stores in Harlem.

Undercover FBI agent: Yeah, go easy on the illegal activity.  This is a sensitive time for our coke deals.

Sharpton:Burning down Jew-owned stores is illegal?

Undercover FBI agent:Yes.

Sharpton:This is an outrage!  My people will not stand for this!  No justice, no peace!

Undercover FBI agent:Anyway can we talk about the wire we want you to wear? 

Sharpton:Sure.  You can put it inside my Martin Luther King Freedom medal.  

Does this medal make my butt look fat?

Does this medal make my butt look fat?

He won’t mind.  He doesn’t need it anymore. He’s dead you know.  I think he was a Jew.  That’s why I burned down his store in Harlem. Hey, will this wire make my butt look fat?

Undercover FBI agent:Never mind.  We won’t be needing your help after all.

The FBI eventually decided not to use Sharpton as an informer, citing “emotional instability” in the Reverend.

“All he wanted to do was kill people and burn their stores down” said an official in the Agency.


3 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Will we even know why His Most Reverend Al turned down the starring role as Django Unchained?

  2. So, the reverand Al was intourban renewal. Imagine that!

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