We’ll have a gay old time!

Good news for all struggling writers, would-be writers, those curious about writing, those curious about writing but don’t want anyone to find out, those who wrote once but stopped because of shame and those who secretly write every Friday night in the bushes in Central Park.

NBC needs help!  No, not meds for their executives.  NBC wants you to write their next sitcom! (That’s short for “situation comedy” for those of you who aren’t in the business.)

As with anything in life, there are rules.  All NBC asks is that the sitcom “reflect the values of the National Broadcasting Company.” 

And so I now present for my readers who may want to enter this contest the template that NBC would like you to follow.

• The protagonist of your sitcom is

1. A possibly gay astronaut
2. A possibly gay insurance salesman
3. A possibly gay doctor
4. A possibly gay fireman
5. A possibly gay zombie

• Your protagonist’s next door neighbor is

1. Nosy and always causing trouble, yet lovable and gay
2. A gay ghost
3. A gay ghost who is nosy and always causing trouble, yet still lovable
4. Nosy, unfriendly and possibly straight and hate-filled
5. A wacky gay inventor who is nosy and always causing trouble

• In the pilot episode your protagonist has to

1. Help out a friend’s son, who wants to find a way to come out to his parents
2. Help out a co-worker’s son, who wants to find a way to come out to his parents
3. Help out a college boy he has never met before who wants to find a way to come out to his parents
4. Teach a lesson in tolerance to his hate-filled and intolerant straight neighbor
5. Help out someone online who wants to find a way to come out to their parents

• Throughout the first year of your sitcom your protagonist’s main concern is

1. Keeping peace among all his wacky, nosy, yet lovable gay neighbors
2. Rebuffing the advances of a woman in his office
3. Maintaining a friendly relationship with his ex wife who left him for her female lover
4. Teaching his hate-filled, straight and religious neighbor about tolerance
5. Growing as a person as he begins to come to terms with his sexuality

• Your season one cliffhanger will end with

1. Your protagonist inviting one of his gay neighbors into his bedroom
2. Your protagonist being invited into his gay neighbor’s bedroom
3. His hate-filled, straight and religious neighbor being caught with his pants down in his gay neighbor’s bedroom
4. The zombie apocalypse featuring many lovable, nosy and gay zombies
5. Your protagonist opting for sex reassignment surgery

Well, what are you waiting for.  Get cracking and write NBC’s next hit sitcom!

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