The Gospel of Barack Obama According to Chris Matthews (Part XI)

And Barack shineth in the darkness

And Barack shineth in the darkness

Now there was a certain man sick, named Lazarus, of Georgetown, of the town of Mary and Martha her sister.

His sisters therefore sent to him, saying:  Lord Barack, behold he whom thou lovest in a same sex way is sick.

And Barack hearing it, said to them:  This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of the Affordable Healthcare Act: that the son of socialism may be glorified by it.

When he had heard therefore that he was sick, he still remained in the same place two days for he was busy doing his NCAA brackets.

Then after that, he said to his disciples in the MSM:  Let us go into Georgetown, even though Georgetown sucked this year and didn’t make the NCAA tournament.

He then said to them: Lazarus our friend sleepeth; but I go that I may awake him out of sleep. For under the Affordable Healthcare Act you can not be turned down for a preexisting condition such as death.

Barack therefore came, and found that he had been four days already in the grave and he admonished people to cremate remains instead for it is more environmentally sound and the Federal government needeth the burial plot.

Martha therefore, as soon as she heard that Barack had come, went to meet him:  but Mary sat at home for she knew the Secret Service would shut down the roads.

Eventually after crossing several security checkpoints Martha said to Barack: Lord Barack, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

But now I also know that whatsoever thou wilt ask of the Democratic majority in the Senate, the Senate will give it thee.

Barack saith to her: Thy brother shall rise again.

Martha saith to him:  I know that he shall rise again, in the redistribution of death at the last day.

Barack said to her:  I am the redistribution and the life:  he that believeth in me, although he be dead, shall live.  And every one that liveth and believeth in me, shall not die forever. For if he is dead he can’t pay his fair share of taxes.

When Mary was come where Barack was, after first passing through several security checkpoints, seeing him she fell down at his feet, and saith to him:  Lord Barack, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

Barack, therefore, when he saw her weeping, groaned because he couldn’t finish his waffles and said:   Where have you laid him?  They say to him:  Lord Barack, come and see.

And Barack wept because his NCAA brackets were busted in the first round.

Barack therefore again groaning in himself, cometh to the sepulchre.  Now it was a cave, and a stone was laid over it in violation of EPA regulations.

Barack saith:  Take away the stone.

Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith to him: Lord Obama, by this time he stinketh for even when he was alive he never used soap since soap is environmentally unfriendly.

They took therefore the stone away.  And Barack lifting up his eyes said:  Federal government bureaucrats, I give thee thanks that thou has heard me.   

When he had said these things, he cried in a loud voice:  Lazarus, come forth and pay your fair share of taxes.

And presently he that had been dead came forth, carrying a checkbook to write a check to pay his fair share of taxes.

Barack said to them:  Loose him, and let him go, once his check clears.

Many therefore believed in him.  But some of them went to Hillary Clinton, the accomplished former senator and Secretary of State, and told them the things that Barack had done.

Hillary therefore said:  What do I do, for this man doth many miracles?  If we let him alone so, all will believe in him and he will run for a third term and I will never become President!

From that day therefore she devised to put him to death.

Wherefore Barack walked no more openly among them; but went into Martha’s Vineyard again and abode with his disciples in the MSM.

(To be continued)


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