Your Guide to the Upcoming Syrian Humanitarian Conflict™

Syria.  We must bomb it for humanitarian reasons.

Syria. We must bomb it for humanitarian reasons.

With the war with Syria potentially days or even hours away we here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel have decided to publish this handy guide explaining the upcoming humanitarian conflict.™

  • Why are we going to war?

The Syrian President, Bashar al-Assad, has been using chemical weapons against his people

  • I’ve heard about that.  Isn’t this similar to a decade ago when President Bush went to war with Iraq over weapons of mass destruction?

No.  The two cases could not be more different.  Bush is a Republican.  When Republicans go to war it is for conquest and/or oil.  President Obama is a Democrat and a Nobel peace prize winner.  When he bombs people it is for humanitarian reasons.

  • You mentioned bombing.  Even with smart bombs will there be collateral damage?

Regrettably yes.  Civilian casualties are part of war.  When you see news reports of this just remember we are at war to save the children.  And we will do it even if we have to kill every last one of them.

  • The last I heard England and France are having second thoughts about bombing Syria.

The English and the French are pussies!  Not like America.  Every red-blooded American loves the stench of battle.  Or at least what he sees from the video sent back from the drone strikes.

  • British Prime Minister David Cameron has said he will bring the question of a potential military attack against Syria before Parliament before making a decision.  Why?

England is a monarchy.  It’s leaders must consult the people.  America is a democracy and we believe in the rule of one man: Our President.

  • But America isn’t a democracy.  It is a constitutional republic and according to our constitution (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 11) only the congress can declare war.

You have to stop watching Fox News.

  • Why are we supporting the rebels?

Because it’s in the best interest of the United States to do so.

  • But aren’t the rebels supported by the Muslim Brotherhood?  And doesn’t the Muslim Brotherhood want to establish an Islamic regime that supports terrorism?

What did I tell you about watching Fox News?  Islam is the religion of peace.  Just ask Israel.

  • Is our intervention about regime change?

As with Libya, the decision to intervene in Syria is not about regime change.  Unless it is.  But it isn’t.

  • If England and France do in fact back out will the war be cancelled?

Cancelled?  Have you seen the ratings?  The run-up to the war has gotten better numbers than the Syfy channel’s Continuum starring the fetching Rachel Nichols.

Support the war for this woman.

Support the war for this woman.

  • Wow.  She is fetching.  But my support for the war is wavering.

Would you like to see more Rachel Nichols?

This woman supports our President!

This woman supports our President!

  • Please.  I’m only a man.  There is only so much I can resist.

    Men who support military action against Syria turn me on!

    Men who support military action against Syria turn me on!

So you’ll support the President?

  • You make a good case for this humanitarian conflict.™

It’s for the children.

  • Thank you for changing my mind.

It was my pleasure. It makes me feel good about myself that I was able to do so.

There you have it.  All your questions about the upcoming humanitarian conflict™ answered truthfully, succinctly and to the point.  And now I’d like to leave you with some more Rachel Nichols.

Hello supports of President Obama!

Hello supporters of President Obama!







5 Responses

  1. Wow! You really do have all the answers. So, maybe you can answer this question for me. For the donkey punchers, everything they do is supposedly “for the children”. So why do they support killing so many children before they are born? Inquiring minds want to know.

  2. LSP says:

    I for one am glad that we are finally going to war for Rachel Nichols. AND NOT BEFORE TIME!!! Either.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      LSP: It’s for the children. Er, I mean Rachel Nichols. Who used to be a child. So i guess she counts.

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