Upcoming War with Syria to be Feather in Cap for Nobel Peace Prize Winner

It's for the children!

It’s for the children!

Since Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize many have wondered how he could top it.

“We were worried that he would become Orson Welles” said a White House reporter.

What did Welles do after Citizen Kane? Absolutely nothing.  Well, except for sleeping with Rita Hayworth.  Rita’s dead so President Obama can’t sleep with her.  So we were concerned.  But this new war is a way out.

Indeed the Nobel Peace Prize winner has seemed to falter recently, with Edward Snowden granted asylum in Russia, the NSA and IRS scandals and the delaying of Obamacare.

But with news that the Navy is  preparing to launch strikes against Syria hope has again returned to the White House and the press corps.

There are even reports that Hollywood is preparing a movie based on the upcoming Syrian war.

“Drone strikes are good.  But they lack drama” according to one Hollywood executive.

If you absolutely must level a criticism at President Obama it is that all the wars he has engaged in throughout the world during his presidency were faceless.  We in Hollywood want to help the president. Hell, whenever America goes to war we want to help.  Assuming the president is a Democrat of course.

Hollywood is more than ready to assist the war.  Directors and actors have already headed out to the middle east and set up shop aboard Navy ships.  When the first planes take off to bomb Syrian civilian targets A-list actors will be in the cockpits.

“The actors are excited.  They have memorized their lines.  They look forward to helping Obama win his second Nobel Prize” said  Steven Spielberg.

We even plan to have a few actors shot down.  Already crews are in the Syrian countryside ready to document the brave struggle of our men to survive as they eat vegetables and fall in love with Syrian women, who will return the love and bind up their wounds, eventually making the painful decision to abandon their country and come to America.  It’s all right there in the script.

The Norwegian Nobel Committee has announced that President Obama is the front-runner to win the next Nobel Peace Prize.  But only if their is an actual war.  Thorbjørn Jagland, President of the committee had this to say:

President Obama has been the greatest force of peace the world has ever known. And we will give him the prize but there has to be a war first.

Billy Crystal has been chosen to emcee the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize ceremony.

Tickets are already on sale for the much anticipated war, with prices ranging from $3,000 for luxury seats to 14 dollars for the bleachers.

“As with any war, the key is to have fun and be safe” said Ban Ki-moon, the Secretary General of the United Nations.  “So watch out for fast approaching objects.  It’ll be like going to a baseball game but without as many relief pitchers.”



2 Responses

  1. When did you start writing straight news? I think your satire is better, actually.

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