From the Manhattan Infidel Future Archives: 2026, Green Religion Celebrates “Paint Lincoln Memorial Green Day”

Lincoln represents capitalism and the partriarchy

Lincoln represents capitalism and the partriarchy

“This is truly a historic day for the Green movement” declared a duly-authorized minister for the Green religion.

Members of our movement have been splashing green paint on the Lincoln Memorial for 13 years.  Always this has been done in the middle of the night for fear of the patriarchy.  But now we can do this in daylight.  We can celebrate our rights in freedom.  Much like the rotting, corrupt Roman empire had to eventually tolerate Christianity, the corrupt, toddering, rotting American empire must tolerate we Greens!  This would not have happened if the public were not with us!

And with that he threw a bucket of green paint on the Memorial as the crowd cheered.

After the paint splattering, devotees of the green movement joined hands to sing their litany to the saints which began with their two most famous saints:

Saint Al Gore pray for us

Saint Ed Begley Jr., pray for us

As the fastest growing religion in America, the “Greenies” or “The Movement to Replace Fossil Fuels with Wind Power, the Movement to Replace Patriarchy with Vagina Power, the Movement to Replace the United States with a Borderless World, the Movement to Confess Our Environmental Sins and, Oh, We Hate Sarah Palin Too” as it is officially known has attracted much attention from the media.

As cameramen zoomed in on the freshly green-splattered Memorial, the leader of the movement, who eschews baptismal names as “symbolic of the white man’s oppression” and goes by the name “Vagina” spoke with reporters.

Much like in the old dispensation a Catholic priest would sprinkle water on people to symbolize rebirth we sprinkle the Lincoln Memorial with green paint to symbolize the rebirth of this monument.  A passing from patriarchy, borders and simple-minded  Americanism to worship of Mother Earth.

She then offered a plenary indulgence for all in attendance who promised to throw green paint on symbols of the old order.

“Go.  Sin against the environment no more. Drive a Prius and you shall have laid up treasure for yourselves in the worker’s paradise.”

After the ceremony she was driven to Ronald Reagan National Airport where her private plane was waiting to fly her back to her 5,000 acre ranch in Montana.

President Michelle Obama released a statement praising the Greenies, saying that the they “Could teach all America a lesson in tolerance, diversity and environmentalism.”


2 Responses

  1. Saint Gore, is it? Well, I guess that means he is dead. That’s something, anyway.

  2. innominatus says:

    And then the Volatile Organic Compounds (VOCs) in the paint evaporated as the paint dried, which caused even moar global warming, which means polar bears are getting really good at treading water, which means we’ll all either end up drowned in the rising seas or devoured by polar bears. thanks for nothing, greenies!

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