Manhattan Infidel Presents Bo’s Itinerary

First Pet Bo (center) surrounded by security before boarding BO 1 for trip to Martha's VIneyard

First Pet Bo (center) surrounded by security before boarding BO 1 for trip to Martha’s VIneyard

As I have mentioned before on this blog my mission statement is to ensure the proper functioning of this republic by exposing aristocratic privilege where I see it.  And to harass Olivia Wilde.

Why won't Olivia Wilde return my phone calls?

Why won’t Olivia Wilde return my phone calls?

But mostly to expose anti-republican privilege among our elite.  Though if Olivia Wilde were to call me now I’d have to say f*ck the blog.  I’m on my way.

Anyway like most many few sadly no one I was shocked when I learned that President Obama had his dog Bo flown to Martha’s Vineyard aboard the so-called “Bo 1” Osprey aircraft.

Using all my undercover reporting skills LSD and tequila I was able to acquire Bo’s vacation itinerary.

Read and weep.  Weep for mankind.  Weep for America.  Weep for Olivia Wilde who is definitely not being held in my basement until she realizes she loves me and only me.

Tentative Vacation Itinerary for Bo (Not for Release to General Public)

Wednesday August 11

8:45 am – Not less than six (6) and not more than fifteen (15) secret service agents are to wash and groom Bo (“First Pet“)

9:30 am – After washing and grooming by not less than six (6) and not more than fifteen (15) agents the First Pet is to be taken to the front lawn of the White House where an Osprey MV-22 (“Helicopter 1“) will be fueled and ready for departure to Martha’s Vineyard.

9:45 am – Helicopter 1 will take off from the White House for the one hour flight to Martha’s Vineyard.  During flight the First Pet will have access to in-flight entertainment including, but not limited to, DVDs of interest to dogs including but not limited to soothing nature scenes, cats being chased, fire hydrants and any DVD that stars Sarah Jessica Parker as dogs view her as one of their own.

11:00 am – Helicopter 1 will touch down at Martha’s Vineyard.  First Pet will be escorted by not less than thirteen (13) and not more than twenty three (23) Secret Service agents who will ensure First Pet evacuation.  Once the First Pet has evacuated his bowels not less than fifteen (15) and not more than twenty seven (27) secret service agents will bag said First Pet evacuation (in paper not plastic).  Said First Pet evacuation, once bagged will be transported to the nearest compost station to flower the Earth and ensure the viability of Polar Bear survival.

11:30 am – First Pet will be reunited with the President.

11:32 am – President Obama will play with the First Pet for not less than two (2) but not more than five (5) minutes.

11:40 am  – (Optional) First Pet will be given the opportunity to hump Michelle Obama’s leg.

12:15 pm – First Pet will be given lunch at a five-star restaurant on Martha’s Vineyard.  Not less than thirty (30) and not more than fifty (50) Secret Service agents will provide security and ensure that First Pet is not bothered by non-Washington D.C. humans.

2:50 pm – First Pet will be driven to a private resort on the Island of Martha’s Vineyard where he will be given the opportunity to do cardio and hump the legs of attendants.

3:20 pm – (Optional) First Pet will be given the chance to release his Chakras and will given a massage by a canine-friendly masseuse.

5:00 pm – First Pet will be have meet and greet session with press covering President Obama’s vacation.  Not less than forty (40) and not more than sixty (60) Secret Service agents will screen the press to ensure that First Pet will not have to answer any embarrassing questions about so-called “phony scandals.”  Note:  All press will be credentialed and limited to real news organizations.  This mean no Fox News.

6 – 7 pm – First Pet will meet Ted Danson and Carly Simon.

8 pm – undetermined – First Pet will be provided with not less than five (5) and not more than ten (10) bitches for frolic and reproductive purposes. After frolicking has ended Secret Service (agent number to be determined later depending on overtime budget) will gather First Pet ejaculate into paper bags and distribute it on the sea shore to symbolize rebirth and lowering of sea levels.

11:30 pm – First Pet will be brought to his hotel room, his water dish filled (sparkling water only) and provided dog biscuits in case he wants a snack during the night.  Dog biscuits must be gluten-free.

11:45 pm Lights out.  Not less than eighty (80) and not more than one hundred and twenty (120) Secret Service agents will provide security by patrolling floor outside First Pet’s room.

And that’s just the first day!

Now if you excuse me I have to go down to the basement to provide Olivia Wilde with fresh water. (Sparkling only.)



5 Responses

  1. BO? Why would President Barry Soetero name his dog, BO? B.O. stands for body odor, right? Does Olivia Wilde have BO?

  2. innominatus says:

    As seen on twitter:

    “What’s the difference between Ambassador Stevens and Bo the Dog? Barry sent a plane for Bo.”

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