Hello!!! I want my $38,000 handbag!

Like most Americans I was shocked and disturbed by the news out of Switzerland that Oprah Winfrey was the victim of racism.  It seems a store clerk refused to sell Ms. Winfrey a $38,000 handbag because she was black!

I expect this type of behavior from the stupid, slack-jawed little people who live in America.  But from enlightened, sophisticated Europe?

Perhaps the clerk in the store was a transplant from stupid states like Texas or Mississippi?

Be that as it may, Ms. Winfrey still suffers the indignity of having to walk around in public without a $38,000 handbag on her arm.  I and many people like me refuse to live in a world where such madness exists.

That is why I am pleased to announce that I am starting the “For One Dollar a Day You Can Support Oprah Winfrey” foundation.

Think about it.  All I’m asking is one dollar a day.  Thirty dollars a month. (Twenty eight during the patriarchal month of February.)

Surely my readers can give up one dollar a day?  I myself have exercised my fundamental option and have taken the dollar I would normally use towards porn and contributed.

Maybe you too, dear reader, can forgo your porn to help Oprah!

If everybody who read this blog would contribute then I have no doubt we can buy that $38,000 handbag for Ms. Winfrey.

Even if we don’t raise enough money to get that handbag we can still help Ms. Winfrey.

If we raise $5000 we can buy her a 2001 Ford Windstar.

This can be yours Oprah!

The Ford Windstar is a reliable, economic car with an estimated 16 mpg in the city and 22 on the highway.  It also has enough space for Ms. Winfrey to store valuables such as $38,000 handbags.

If we raise just $1,700 we can get Ms. Winfrey a cozy, charming studio apartment in midtown Manhattan.  If she needs more space to store her handbags $1,700 will get her a one bedroom in Washington Heights.

If Ms. Winfrey is worried about security living in Washington Heights for an extra $22.95 we can chip in and buy her this economical door lock.

This lock will protect your $38,000 handbag!

If we only raise $200 we can buy her a used Dell Latitude D410.

State of the art laptop connectivity

This refurbished yet still state of the art Dell had a 12″ screen, 40 GB hard drive and 512 MB memory. And yes it comes with ethernet capability and a web cam so you can take many pictures of your $38,000 handbag and send them to your friends.  For $19.95 we will throw in the laptop bag.

All this the foundation will do for Ms. Winfrey.

Because life’s too short to walk around without a $38,000 handbag.

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