I am not wearing this disguise because I am ashamed of my child. Definitely not.

I am not wearing this disguise because I am ashamed of my child. I am ashamed because racist America denies people healthcare

In the two weeks since the WeinerGate II broke one question has haunted America:  Would Sydney Leathers do a porn video?  And if so, when?

Well worry no more America.  Sydney Leathers has signed with Vivid Video and has already shot her first porn video, a hardcore masturbation epic entitled, “I love your policies.  And rubbing my Pussy.”

It would be too easy to make rude, snarky comments about Ms. Leathers such as her ass is wider than the Lincoln and Holland Tunnels combined.  No.  That would be too easy and we won’t do it.  Here at Manhattan Infidel we strive for a higher standard.  And in the interest of that higher standard I have snagged an exclusive interview with the people responsible for her upbringing and instilling values:  her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Leathers.

MI: Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Leathers.

Mr. L:  Thank you.  It’s nice to be here.

Mrs L:Please.  Do not call me Mrs. Leathers.  When we got married I refused to take my husband’s name. Society is so patriarchal it disgusts me.

MI: Oh, okay.  What do you refer to yourself as?

Mrs L: Ms. Muffinstrummer.

MI: Miss Muffinstrummer?

Mrs L: Ms. Muffinstrummer, please.  Miss is patriarchal.  And patriarchy disgusts me.

MI: Okay.  Well if you don’t mind let’s just settle in while the food arrives.  The caterer brought some delicious turkey and ham sandwiches.

Mrs L: Meat disgusts me.

MI: Anyway – 

Mr. L: Can I have one of those sandwiches?

MI: Sure.  Dig in.

Mrs L: I told you not to eat meat in front of me.  You disgust me.

Mr. L: Can I just have one f*cking sandwich? One? Come on!

MI: Mr. Leathers and Ms. Muffinstrummer, when the news of the Anthony Weiner scandal broke and it was learned that your daughter was one of his sexting partners, what was your reaction?

Mrs L:  Why are people shocked?  These are two consenting adults.  Do you know what we should be shocked by?  The bourgeois, repressive sexuality promulgated by the patriarchy.

Mr. L:That was a good sandwich.  Are you going to eat those chips?

MI:  No.  Help yourself.  So, Ms. Muffinstrummer, you aren’t bothered at all by the fact that your daughter was sending pictures of herself to a married man twice her age?

Mrs L: No.  I brought my daughter up to be proud of sex and to enjoy it.  I even told her not to use birth control because if she got pregnant I would drive her to an abortion provider.

MI:Wow.  Mr. Leathers any comment on that?

Mr. L: What?  I didn’t hear you I was eating chips.  Can I have another sandwich?

MI: Go right ahead.  And now your daughter is doing porn.  Have you seen the video?

Mr. L:  Don’t bother me.  I’m eating a f*cking sandwich.  I don’t eat meat at home.

MI: Ms. Muffinstrummer, have you seen it?  I have a copy here on my iPad.  Look at it.

Mrs L: I don’t see anything wrong with a woman knowing how to pleasure herself.  It’s the patriarchy that makes women ashamed of their bodies.

Mr. L:  Oh my god.  She’s so damn hairy down there.  She looks like a freaking wildebeest.

Mrs L: The patriarchy would make women ashamed of their pubic hair.  I am not ashamed of my pubic hair.

Mr. L: Yeah no shit.  Maybe if you shaved down there I’d eat some meat at home, if you know what I mean.

Mrs. L: You disgust me.

Mr. L: Yeah, you know what disgusts me?  Tofu.  That vegan diet you have me on is killing me.

Mrs L: Meat is murder.  Murder by the patriarchy.

Mr. L: F*ck you.  I’m having another sandwich.  And then I”m going to whip it out and wave my dick in your face.

Mrs L: Penises disgust me.

MI: Well that’s about all the time I have.  It was a pleasure interviewing both of you.

Mr. L: Whatever, just don’t take any f*cking sandwiches.  They’re all mine.

Mrs L: Sometimes when it’s windy I take my clothes off and let my pubic hair wave in the breeze.  When I do that I feel empowered.

MI: Goodbye.

Well that was a strange interview.  If I have a nightmare about wildebeests tonight I’m killing them both.

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