I love your policies!

For the past week the spotlight has been on Anthony Weiner and his sexting partner Sydney Leathers.  Since Miss Leathers (middle name Corinthian) seems fond of the spotlight I, Manhattan Infidel, out of the goodness of my heart have decided to give her some career advice to extend her 15 minutes of fame.

• Replace Snooki on a “reboot” of Jersey Shore

Miss Corinthian Leathers, you’d be a natural.  Before you America’s favorite non-beach body tramp was Snooki.  She brought our fractured, bleeding country together with her antics.  You can be the next Snooki.  Miss Corinthian Leathers, use your talent to unite this country!

• Pose as the centerfold for Playboy

Sydney, if I may call you that, I think you should pose naked for Playboy.  Just look what it did for Marilyn Monroe and Pamela Anderson.  And you’re just like them. Without the sex appeal.  So take off your clothes and have your body photographed by a professional photographer.  No more iPhone shots for you!  With a circulation twice as much as Penthouse Playboy is still a player in the soft porn field.  Use that old man Hefner as your ticket to fame!

• Become a co-host on “The View”

Since Elizabeth Hasselbeck left that show America has become listless, spiritually bankrupt.  Sydney, America needs you.  Think of the joy you can bring to our country discussing political issues of the day with Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar.  I dare say that you, and only you, can restore pride to America.  Why I can just imagine the witty discourse:

Goldberg: So Sydney, what do you think of the NSA spying program?

Leathers: They can spy on my anytime!  I just shaved and I’m totally smooth down there.  If you know what I mean.

Goldberg: I have to vomit.

Leathers: Funny. That’s what my last online boyfriend said when I sent him a photo of my recently shaved private area.

• Become a comfort girl (for Democrats only)

Imagine the joy you can bring to our middle-aged Democratic congressmen and senators as you take care of their physical needs.  As Mary Jo Kopechne said to herself when her fingernails scratched the windows of the car she was drowning in, “My death will make Ted a more compassionate Senator.” You will have the privilege of saying “I took his load so he can fight the Republican war on women.“

And when the Herpes sores start showing up on your lips and genitals remember: It was for a good cause.

• Sheep porn

Sydney, before you say no let me say this:  Sheep porn is an undervalued niche of hard core porn industry.   And since the last sheep porn actress retired to work for the Mayor of San Diego they need a new superstar in the field.  You can be that woman!  Bridge the sheep-human sexuality gap!

And there you have it readers. Advice that I believe will extend Miss Corinthian Leathers’ 15 minutes of fame.

What the – I just got a text from Sydney Leathers.  She says she “fell in love with my policies.”  I admit my bundled insurance package with Progressive saves me money but how did she find out?

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