I stand by my pro-female reproductive freedom husband

Once again the wife of a politician has been publicly humiliated by her husband. Watching Huma Abedin, Slida Wall Spitzer and Hillary Rodham Clinton beside their husbands has taught me one thing:  Feminism means standing by your man.  And so without malice or forethought and wishing to aid in the dissemination of knowledge I now present the Official Professional Political Wife Scandal Template™.

Your husband has been caught

1. Having sex with another woman
2. Having sex with another man
3. Having sex with a transsexual
4. Sending pictures of his “junk” online
5. Sexting women online

As his wife it is your duty to

1. Cut his nuts off.
2. Release a statement apologizing for cutting your husband’s nuts off
3. Release a statement saying that it is a difficult time in your marriage but that you love your husband and ask the press to respect your privacy
4. Release a statement saying that you “really really really love” your husband, that he isn’t perfect and that you beg the forgiveness of the public
5. Appear at his side during his press conference, all the while gazing adoringly at him.  For extra sympathy, stand within five feet of him and/or let him put his arm around you

When news first reached you of your husbands transgressions, you

1. Searched for the sharpest knife to cut his nuts off
2. Felt betrayed but remembered that you are a feminist and have a duty to stand by your man
3. Seriously.  You must stand by him.  After all, it’s not like he’s a Republican and is waging war on women
4. Your husband is reliably pro-female reproductive freedom.  So what if he wants to get his rocks off elsewhere.  How does this concern me?
5. I must support my husband.  If he loses the election we’ll have to get jobs

Since the scandal broke your husband has fallen behind in the polls.  What do you do?

1. Frankly I’ve been too busy looking for something sharp to cut his nuts off to worry much about the polls
2. Release a statement reminding the voters of all the free stuff they get because of my huband
3. Film a campaign commercial where you smile at the camera and tell the voters how much you love and admire your husband
4. Speak at campaign rallies and remind the voters that you are a normal family just like everybody else and you’re trying to scratch by on your $100,000 a night speaking engagement fee
5. This son of a bitch better not lose the election.  It’s all about power.  I want the power!

Your husband has lost the election.  What now?

1. Point a gun at him and force him to cut his own nuts off
2. I can’t work in the private sector!  Your accountable for your performance and all that
3. There is no power in the private sector
4. Raise your speaking fee to $200,000 a night.  You’re more valuable now and everyone wants to hear how you battled back from depression
5. Get a talk show with Anderson Cooper

And there you have it readers:  the Professional Political Wife Scandal Template™.  Void where prohibited by law.

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