General Zod Hit With Sexual Harrasment Lawsuit

Kneel before Zod can have many meanings.

Kneel before Zod can have many meanings.

General Zod, CEO of Zod Industries, maker of party toys and womens’ earrings, has been charged with sexual harassment by his former secretary, Chantelle Lewis.

At issue is Zod’s repeated insistence that Lewis “kneel before him.”

“Every day he would come into the office wearing this plunging neckline thing and tell me to kneel” said Lewis.

At first I tried to ignore him or laugh it off as a joke.  But after awhile it got on my nerves.  I told him to cut it out but he kept on telling me to kneel before him.  One day he came in with his nipple hanging out.  I mean it was just hanging out.  I got uncomfortable.  And Mr. Zod says, “I see you’ve noticed my nipple.  On my home world the nipple represents power and strength.”  I was almost in tears I felt so violated.  I mean I went to community college.  I know my rights.

Lewis claims she finally quit when at the office Christmas party an inebriated Zod approached her and said, “Kneel before Zod for a good performance evaluation.”

Hiring noted lawyer Gloria Allred, Lewis is asking for back wages and three million dollars for “emotional distress” caused by Zod.

In a statement released to the press Allred states that

My client is the innocent, aggrieved one.  She’s a single mother of four young children trying to make a living.  General Zod lorded his position of power over my client and tried to take advantage of her.  I ask all women to boycott his companies’ products.

Zod for his part says it is all a misunderstanding based on cultural differences.

In my world all men of power wear plunging necklines that sometimes expose their nipples.  So what?  I didn’t see the women on Krypton complaining.  I tell you I don’t understand Earth women.  I joined Match and went on a date.  Everything was going well until we left the restaurant and I said “Now you will come back to my place and kneel before Zod.” Kneel before Zod.  It’s a gesture of respect.  Instead she pulls out what I think you Earth people call a “taser” and shocks me. Screw that.  No second date for her.

Zod also expressed fear that he would lose his business and called the lawsuit “nothing but blackmail.”

Look I came to Earth to take over your planet but after I destroyed a few acres of land your EPA sued me for destroying wetlands.  I lost a lot of money in that suit.  This business is the only thing I have now.  I can’t afford another legal battle. I’d go back to my own planet but Krypton was totally destroyed.  It’s like Detroit.

The sexual harassment civil suit against General Zod is scheduled to begin in September.


4 Responses

  1. Geez! I didn’t know they had Democrats on Krypton too.

  2. innominatus says:

    Zoddie ain’t got no worries: The last time Allred won a case, Helen Thomas was still young.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      Inn: That’s a sexist statement! You should be sued!

      p.s. You look nothing like John Wayne (see yesterday’s post.)

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