Yeah, f*ck you Aldrin you f*cking f*cker!

On Sunday the world will be celebrating the 44th anniversary of man first landing on the moon.  As a history buff I have dug deep into NASA archives to present for the first time the complete transcripts from that historic occasion.

Armstrong: The lunar surface is very fine grained.  Almost like a powder. That’s one small step for man.  One giant leap for mankind.

Aldrin: Yeah, whoop dee doo.  Look at me. I’m Neil f*cking Armstrong.  That should be me out there. I should be first on the moon.

Armstrong: Yeah Aldrin?  Why don’t you just shut the f*ck up you f*cking f*cker.  You’ll always be number two.

Aldrin:  F*ck you Armstrong.

Armstrong:You wouldn’t dare say that to my face you motherf*cker!

Aldrin: I f*cking will!  Just give me three hours to put my space suit on.  Don’t move motherf*cker. Don’t f*cking move. 

Armstrong:  F*ck you jackass.  Buzz Aldrin.  He’s number two!  He’s number two!

Aldrin: Take it back you jackhole or I’ll launch this lunar module and leave you alone on the moon.

Armstrong: You wouldn’t dare.  You’re all talk.

Aldrin: You willing to take that chance motherf*cker.  I’ll blast off and tell everyone you died on the moon when you unzipped your space suit to jizz on some moonrocks.

Armstrong: F*ck you!

Aldrin: Yeah I’ll tell them your dick swelled up and exploded.  In fact I’m jizzing all over your seat right now.  I’ll tell ’em it’s yours.  Neil Armstrong.  Serial jizzer. That’s what the history books will call you: “Neil Armstrong.  First man to jizz on the moon.”  Schoolchildren all over the world will ask their parents “What does jizz mean?”  You’ll be so synonymous with jizzing they’ll start calling it “Armstronging.”  Kids will tell their mothers “Mom don’t come in I’m Armstronging.”

Armstrong: That does it.  I’m coming back to the LM now to beat your f*cking ass!  What the – wait a minute.  WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?  It’s coming right towards me.

Aldrin: JESUS CHRIST!

Armstrong: It’s killing me.  Aaaaaaaaaaa!

Aldrin: I have to get out of here!  Oh god it’s coming through the walls of the LM…..help me!  Aaaaaaaaaaaa!

[Silence]

Ground Control: Tranquility Base this is Houston.  Do you copy?

[Silence]

Ground Control: Tranquility Base this is Houston.  Do you copy?

[Silence]

Ground Control: I think they’re dead.

NASA Official:  No problem.  We’ll just hire actors and fake the rest of the mission.

Ground Control: What about the tapes?

NASA Official: Erase them.

President Nixon: Houston this is President Nixon.  I couldn’t help but overhear.  Did you say you are going to erase the tapes?

NASA Official: Yes sir.

President Nixon: Hmm.  I’ll have to remember that.  It might come in handy one day.

And there you have it readers.  Real, unexpurgated history. Only here at Manhattan Infidel.

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