Toy Network Drops Santa After Controversial Deposition

But everybody uses that word!

But everybody uses that word!

Santa Claus was dropped by the Toy Network today after weeks of controversy surrounding his use of the ‘M” word during a recent deposition.

“We at the Toy Network do not condone the use of the “M” word in any way, shape or form” said its CEO.

We wish to apologize to our viewers and advertisers for his actions.  Santa’s hate speech does not reflect the core values of the Toy Network or its employees.

The trouble for Santa began after he was sued by a former employee, the elf Hermey.

Santa is a racist!

Santa is a racist!

Hermey is claiming in his lawsuit that he was fired without cause from Santa’s workshop.  He is also claiming that Santa would ask him and the other elves to do things that were not in their job description.

I’m an elf.  I make toys. And that’s all I do.  It’s in our collective bargaining agreement.  But Santa would ask us to sing for him every day. “I like my elves happy” he said.  And once he tried to have an old fashioned North Pole Christmas party.  He asked all the elves to dress up in our old elf costumes.

An example of clearly racist and stereotypical elf work clothes

An example of clearly racist and stereotypical elf work clothes

  Come on.  We haven’t worn those suits in years.  What he’s running here?  A plantation?

Santa responded to Hermey’s allegations by calling him a “disgruntled ex-employee I had to fire after several bad performance evaluations.”

The case appeared to be just another employer-employee conflict until Hermey’s lawyers deposed Santa to ask him about his alleged frequent use of the “M” word to berate the elves.

Lawyer: Have you ever used the “M” word in front of your elf employees?

Santa: I can’t remember offhand if I have.

Lawyer: I remind you that you are under oath.

Santa.  Okay.  Okay.  I admit it.  I use the “M” word all the time.

Lawyer: And you are okay with this.

Santa: Well that’s what they are.  Hermey and the rest. They’re midgets!  There.  I said it.  They’re goddamn midgets! Midgets!  Midgets all of them!

Reporters who were covering the lawsuit say that there were audible gasps in the courtroom at the mention of the “M” word.  Said one:

Clearly Santa is of that generation that used the “M” word all the time when referring to little people and he doesn’t understand how hateful it can be to be called that.

Hoping to do damage control Santa appeared on one of the morning news shows.  Visibly upset, he begged for forgiveness.

I beg for your forgiveness.  Please forgive me for the mistakes I have made. I want to apologize to everyone.  I want to learn and grow from the incident. Inappropriate and hurtful language is totally unacceptable.  Please forgive me. I beg you.  Mrs. Claus begs you.

But the damage had already been done.  Shortly after his appearance he was dropped from the Toy Network.  His publisher has also dropped him and will not distribute his new book, “My life with 35 short men.”

However there may be hope that Santa can salvage his reputation  Famous short person Tom Cruise (pictured on the right in this image)

I, Tom Cruise, a short person am willing to forgive Santa

I, Tom Cruise, a short person am willing to forgive Santa

has said that he thinks his fellow short people should forgive Santa.

“If I, a short person, can forgive him, why shouldn’t others?”

Santa has announced that he will be taking a leave of absence from the North Pole to seek counseling.


2 Responses

  1. Hey! I like your new digs. Apparently I wasn’t the only one that was moving. I hope your move went smoother than mine.

    As a good capitalist pig, Santa does go-in much for all that political correctness B.S. Me? I like capitalist pigs. I like deep fried pig too.

    I was surprised to learn from this rich source of information that Peter Pan was the Dutch Prme Minister. All this time I thought he lived at Michael Jackson’s mansion. It’s a good thing you are around to keep us knuckle draggers straight. Thanks!

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    The Dutchers love ’em some Peter Pans.

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