“When people think of the Yankees I want them to think of me giving old people jobs.” ~ Yankee GM Brian Cashman

Humid as humid does

Having lost two in a row the 2013 Yankees (just like the 1973 Yankees but with 100 percent more expensive ticket prices) tried to get a win against the Kansas City Royals.  The Yankees started CC Sabathia (9-7 3.99) while the Royals started James Shields (3-6 3.12).

The Yankees scored first in the bottom of the first.  Brett “Male Pattern Baldness” Gardner on a 1-1  pitch pushed a bunt single.  Ichiro “Innominatus is a bad, bad man” Suzuki then singled Gardner to third.  Robinson Cano then hit a 2-1 pitch for a single scoring Gardner.   After Travis “Not a country singer” Hafner struck out Zoilo Almontes singled loading the bases.  Bases loaded.  One out.  Time for the Yankees to score some more runs?  Nonsense.  This is the 2013 Yankees.  Lyle Overbay then struck out and Eduardo Nunez flied out to right field.  1-0 Yankees after one.

And so the score remained 1-0 until the sixth inning.  Sabathia had been cruising up to this point only giving up one hit to Miguel Tejada in the third.  But David Lough (yeah, that David Lough)  led off the sixth and on a 1-1 count homered to deep right.  Sabathia then got the next three out in order but the damage had been done.  1-1 Yankees after 5 1/2.  And the way the Yankee offense has been going one run might be all they score.

Billy Butler led off the top of the seventh for Kansas City and on a 0-1 pitch homered to deep right.  2-1 Kansas City after 6 1/2.

In the top of the eighth Alcides Escober doubled.  The next batter, Eric Hosmer doubled him home.  3-1 Kansas City after  1/2.  And that was the final score.

Sabathia pitched well (nine innings, seven hits, six strikeouts) but was victimized by the Yankees anemic offense.  And don’t count on AROD helping.  Rumor has it he’ll be suspended after the All Star game.  And don’t count on Jeter helping much either.  He’s 39 and coming off a devastating ankle injury. Which Jeter will we get back?  The Jeter from last year or the Jeter of 2011 who looked washed up?

Notes on the game:

Yankee rookie Zoilo Almonte is only the second person named Zoilo to play in the Majors. The first was of course Zoilo Gehrig (pictured here)

Ay carumba I gotta disease!

who played for the Yankees in the 20s and 30s.  Many remember his farewell speech, dubbed the “Gettysburg Address of Baseball“:

Los amigos de los Estado Unidos.  Mi body es muy malo.  Ay Carumba!  Mi no es lucky man.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of  “The  judgement of the intellect is hindered by suspension of the senses”  left the crowd unmoved.  Hey, what else can you say about AROD’s contract?  The Yankee brain trust must have been on crack when they handed it out.

Reader mail:

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “Philadelphia is a proud city.  The birthplace of America.  It was the capital of America during its infancy.”

Infancy?  No wonder Philly smells like diapers.

D.B. of Philadelphia also writes, “That’s not true!”

I’m from New York.  I’m correct in this matter.

S.J. of Harlem writes, “Soon.  Soon me and my 40 cats will rule the world.”

Are you sure you’re not from Philadelphia?

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “I’m still searching for my dog.  The one that burned down my house.  When I find him he will pay.”

He’s probably in Philadelphia where all the bad dogs go.

A.P. of Poughkeepsie, New York writes, “The IRS showed up at my door and  invited me into their van. I refused.  Did I do right?”

Destroy your credit cards.  Get plastic surgery.  Run!

Ichiro Suzuki writes, “Innominatus is a bad man. A very bad man.”

Well what do you expect. He lives in Oregon.

Recommended reading material:

Paterson by William Carlos Williams.

And so my record stands at 4-3 this year.  My next game is Wednesday July 10th against the selfsame Kansas City Royals.

Go Yankees!

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