Northwest Kardashian shortly after her birth

When the demon child of the daughter of the man who helped O.J. Simpson get away with murder and Kanye West was born there was much speculation as to what its name would be.  When it was revealed that the unfortunate demon child would be called “North West” speculation soon turned to “How long before the demon seed takes over the world?”

Using the latest in supercomputer technology I am now able to answer that question.  So I present for the benefit of my readers the Official NorthWest Kardashian Timeline:

• June 15, 2013

The birth of the demon child.  This is the world’s first demon child since Cher and Greg Allman’s progeny, Elijah Blue Allman.

• June 20, 2013

The name of the Demon child is revealed to be “North West.”  Said Ms. Kardashian, “When one thinks of the north west one thinks of constant depressing rain and snotty Starbucks employees.  We want the world to think of our child the same way.”

• September 2014

The demon child North West releases her first hip hop song on iTunes entitled, “Don’t shit your diaper for me Argentina.”

• April 2024

The demon child travels back in time to 1832 and addresses the nation.  “President Andrew Jackson doesn’t care about black people!’  Ignored by America she promises vengeance in the form of modern day Detroit and Camden, New Jersey

• March 2026

The demon child is spotted court side at a Lakers game with Lindsay Lohan and Justin Bieber.  Speculation is rampant that the appearance of the three together represent a “black magic Power of Three.”

Note:  While not part of the demon child timeline Manhattan Infidel loses 95 percent of his readers in disgust when they realize he just slipped a “Charmed”

Hey, Charmed was a witty representation of modern day empowered women!

reference into the post.  Alyssa Milano.  Mmmm.  Alyssa Milano.

• November 2030

Inhabitants of Earth wake up in horror as the moon hits their eye like a big pizza pie. North West claims responsibility for the event saying “President Justin Bieber doesn’t care about black people.”

• October 2033

The demon child hosts the season premiere of Saturday Night Live with her father Kanye West as musical guest.  West interrupts his first song and declares that “President Lindsay Lohan doesn’t care about black people.”  For this he is banned from SNL by recently undead producer Lorne Michaels.

• April 2036

The zombie apocalypse begins.  North West denies responsibility.

• May 2036

With 95 percent of the world’s population now zombies North West finally admits her responsibility.  “Until the undead Lorne Michaels allows my father back on SNL the zombies will continue to reign supreme.  And President Justine Bateman doesn’t care about black people.”

• August 2036

Using her mind, the demon child North West destroys the universe.  All life is extinguished.

• October 2036

North West hosts the season premiere of Saturday Night Live with musical guests her father and Justin Bieber who sing their duet, “I”m a little bit hip hop and Bieber still doesn’t care about black people.”

And there you have it readers.  The official North West Kardashian Timeline.  And if you are reading this Alyssa Milano please give me a call.  Just don’t tell Olivia Wilde.

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