The teaching of right angles will be dropped from the curriculum of America’s public schools after it was announced that they are considered “racist and not in keeping with mainstream American values.”

Declared DNC chairperson Debbie Wasserman Schultz:

If President Obama’s election and reelection have shown anything, it is that it is time for America to move beyond its racist days of slavery, Jim Crow, Ku Klux Klanism and Republican party policies.

Pressure had been building for years to stop teaching about right angles.  Two years ago Michael Mulgrew (pictured here)

of the United Federation of Teachers told a group of teachers that

The teaching of the so-called doctrine of the so-called right angle is something we are looking to stop.  The angle declares itself right, which means it is racist, which means it is Republican.  Besides.   Math is hard.

Also opposed to the teaching of right angles are various gay groups who are alarmed by the “straight angle” created by a right angle.

The AIDS coalition to unleash power (ACT UP) has announced plans to demonstrate wherever right angles are taught.  Said a member of the organization’s Action Committee:

Right angles cause AIDS.  No money for Math!  Money to fight AIDS.

They have also declared their intention to protest wherever right angle are found, whether man-made or the result of nature.

Did you know that most of the street corners in Manhattan are right angles?  And we are supposed to just stand back and let this happen?

The right angle for his part defends himself.

Come on?  Seriously?  I was discovered by Euclid.  A Greek.  Live and let live I say.  I have no hidden agenda.  I’m simply an angle that bisects the angle formed by two halves of a straight line. That’s all.  Besides, wouldn’t children benefit from knowing all of Euclid’s Elements?

Despite its impassioned defense, activists look forward to the day when right angles will be shunned and consigned to the dustbin of history.

“This is just the beginning” said one activist.  “Today the right angle.  Tomorrow the straight line.”

It is time for all mathematical theorems to get with the program.  No longer will they be allowed to terrorize us with their objective truth.  They must serve the state and its ideology.

Attempts to reach the straight line to comment on this article were unsuccessful.

No doubt because it was participating in the patriarchy.

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