Mayor Bloomberg Bans 32-Ounce AIDS Cocktails

 mayor Bloomberg will ban this!

As part of his war against obesity Mayor Bloomberg announced today that 32-ounce AIDS cocktails will now be unavailable in New York City.  At the press conference announcing his measure Bloomberg expressed concern over the waistlines of AIDS sufferers.

“Why do you need to drink a 32-ounce AIDS cocktail anyway” said the mayor.

You’re not going to have any fun with a 32-ounce cocktail.  That’s lots and lots of sugar. And that’s bad for the waistline.  And as AIDS sufferers I don’t have to tell you that your waistline is very important.  You can still have 16 ounce cocktails.  And if you want to buy two I guess you can but that wouldn’t be fun either.  Or, it is my hope, you can just decide not to take cocktails and instead use your private jet to go to the Bahamas and lie in the sun.  Now that’s a healthy lifestyle.

The reaction to Bloomberg’s ban was swift.  The American Medical Association (AMA) praised the mayor for his proactive approach to the health of New York’s citizens and issued a statement that said:

We in the AMA support Mayor Bloomberg 100 percent in his war against AIDS obesity.  As doctors and a members of the AMA the thing we care most about is the health of Americans.  And protecting the interests of the AMA.  But mainly the health of Americans.  As long as it protects the interests of the AMA.

However, opposition to the Mayor’s ban was just as intense with critics slapping their palms against their foreheads followed by exclamations such as “stupid” “asinine” and “WTF”.

“Doesn’t this idiot even understand that the AIDS cocktail is just an expression” said one HIV positive critic.

“We aren’t drinking sugary cocktails” said another.  “We are downing 20 or more pills a day and living with the side effects.”

Bloomberg seemed unfazed by the criticism of his anti-obesity measure.

“These people can always choose not to have AIDS” he said.

A spokesman for those taking AIDS cocktails called Bloomberg “The biggest jackass the world has ever known.”

Bloomberg responded by saying that, as mayor, it is his job to keep New Yorkers healthy.

He then jetted off to an undisclosed location for some sugar-free sun.


1 Comment

One Response

  1. Bloomy is fat with money. He needs to go on a money diet! I would be willing to help him with that problem.

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