Church Elects White Hispanic!

Will this white Hispanic uphold church teachings?  Or will he do the right thing?

Despite being an Irish Catholic as a member of the mainstream media it is sometimes my duty to bravely take a cold, hard, objective look at world events.  And the election of a new Roman pontiff is no exception.  Yes readers, it was painful to do this.  Some say I am being brave.  Remarkably, extraordinarily brave.  And I’d have to agree with them.  But my credibility as a reporter demands that I do so.  I love President Obama. He’s so dreamy!

And so reader readers as part of my sworn duty to ask difficult questions I now ask the difficult questions no one else will ask.  Well, except for CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS and ABC.  But not the cowards at the Eternal Word Television Network. Yeah, Mother Angelica, I’m looking at you.

  1. Pope Francis is a man.
  2. Pope Francis is a Christian.

The above two points are telling.  Does the “Church” believe that electing a Christian male is an act of an inclusive society? A tolerant society?

Isn’t it about time we had a female Pope?  What about a Jewish Pope?  What about a Muslim Pope?  Why not a female Jewish Pope who converted to Islam? If the “Church” did this it would truly send a signal to the rest of the world that inclusiveness and diversity are not just empty words long words Manhattan Infidel finds difficult to type.

  1. Pope Francis is from South America
  2. Pope Francis is Hispanic.

A native of Argentina who is Hispanic?  On first glance this must be a man who loves social justice and socialism.  But upon digging deeper Wikipedia is very handy sometimes into all the available evidence a disturbing pattern emerges.

For you see, Pope Francis is opposed to abortion.  And how can not allowing Hispanic women to empower themselves by aborting their fetuses help Hispanics rise out of the poverty that is their natural condition?

Is Pope Francis a White Hispanic? Is this a case of George Zimmerman redux? Does Pope Francis carry a gun?  Should black people be alarmed at his election?  Will he order Cardinals to shoot blacks on sight?  Is this the start of a pogrom?

Yes, the facts that I have uncovered are disturbing.  For apparently this so-called Pope Francis intends to uphold Catholic doctrine.

I have other questions for this backward white Hispanic that need to be answered:

  1. Will he relent on celibacy?  For it has been proven (the science is settled, unlike my breakfast Monte Cristo sandwich) that celibacy leads to pedophilia which leads to global warming which leads to climate change.  And that’s a bad thing.
  2. Will Pope Francis help the Falkland Islands defeat their British oppressors?
  3. Will Beyonce sing at his inauguration?
  4. Will the Church yield to the gay, black, socialist transsexual agenda?
  5. Will he use his admittedly compromised moral authority to order Republicans to bring back tours of the White House?
  6. Will he order the arrest and/or execution of Sarah Palin.  If not why? He says he believes in social justice.
  7. As a Latino he probably practices Voodoo.  Will he use his Wiccan beliefs to make the Church more inclusive?
  8. Has he ever read my blog?  Will he start reading it?  Will he click on the ads so I can get paid by Google?

Yes readers.  As painful as it is for me as a Catholic to ask these question, they bravely must be asked and answered.  I solemnly promise my readers that, despite the personal pain it gives me, I will continue to ask the difficult questions.  I will ask the questions no one else asks. (Well except for CNN, MSNBC, NBC, CBS and ABC.  But not the cowardly Eternal Word Television Network.)

Mother Angelica, are you a white Hispanic?

You know, sometimes my bravery surprises and inspires me.


4 Responses

  1. So, is he El Papa. el papa’, or solamente una papa?

  2. 9. Since the new Pope is ‘white Hispanic’ I demand to know his position on the Lynching of George Zimmerman. Inquiring minds need to know.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: That sounds like White Hispanic talk!

    LAS: The Pope will defend his fellow White Hispanic to the grave.

  4. Bob Agard says:

    Not only all of that, but NPR told me he has a shameful history of opposing liberation theology! Linked here:

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>