My Exclusive Interview with Attorney General Eric Holder

All your souls are belong to us!

Drone strikes have been much in the news recently.  Drone strikes against foreign nationals.  Drone strikes against U.S. citizens on foreign soil and now the possibility that the government might use drone strikes on U.S. soil.  With this controversial topic in mind I was surprised and honored when our Attorney General Eric Holder agreed to a sit-down with me.

MI:  Good afternoon Mr. Attorney General.

EH:  Good afternoon to you enemy of the state.

MI:  Enemy of the state?  Is this because of my webcam?  Listen that was just role play.

EH:  The government does not approve of role play.

MI:  I was just having fun.

EH:  The government does not approve of fun.

MI:  Okay.  Moving along.  You sent a letter to Senator Rand Paul in which you stated that the use of drone strikes on American soil against American citizens was hypothetically possible under given circumstances.

EH:  Yes.  Sometimes it may be necessary and appropriate under the constitution and the laws of the United States for the President to authorize the military to use lethal force within the territory of the United States.

MI:  The President has the authority to do that?

EH:  Yes.

MI:  Where does – 

EH:  He’s the President.  He can do anything he wants.  He has just authorized a drone strike against your house. [A drone takes out Manhattan Infidel’s residence.]

MI:  What the hell?

EH:  And a drone strike against your car [A drone strike takes out Manhattan Infidel’s car.]

MI:  Oh come on!  I just paid that off!

EH:  And a drone strike against your cat [A drone takes out Manhattan Infidel’s cat.]

Cat:  Meow!

MI:  Not my cat! No!

EH:  See.  The President has the authority to order all of that.

MI:  No he doesn’t.  His powers are limited under the constitution.  He has the power to make treaties and appoint ambassadors.  He’s the commander in chief of the Army, Navy and Air Force.  He also has the responsibility to ensure that the laws of the United States are faithfully executed.   What law right now authorizes drone strikes on U.S. soil against American citizens?

EH: The drone strike are………..accessing………accessing.

MI:  Excuse me?

EH:  Accessing.  Accessing.

MI:  What the – your skin is coming off.  Is that….is that metal underneath?

EH:  Accessing.

MI:  My god!  You’re a drone!

EH:  All your base are belong to us!

MI:  I have to get out of here.  I have to alert the American people!

EH:  You have no chance to survive.  Make your time.

MI:  To those of you who are reading this now.  You are the resistance!

My interview ended at this point as I set the Holder drone on fire.  As I ran away I caught one last look at the Holder drone as his skin burned off to reveal the titanium underneath.  We are doomed.



2 Responses

  1. O’wise one, I have a question. Do foreign drones have to have pasports and visas to enter the United States? Or, do they have the same rights as Mexicans?

  2. Bob Agard says:

    You are clearly on a roll, my friend. And, we are clearly not safe! Linked here:

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