Madonna Threatens to Strip Naked if Obama Wins Reelection; Polls Surge For Romney

 Madonna performs in concert

1980s recording star and current nostalgia act Madonna (pictured above) has promised to strip naked if President Obama wins reelection in November.

During one of her concerts, after a group of young male dancers led Madonna on stage in her wheelchair, the ’80s icon removed the oxygen mask from her face and told her adoring fans:

You better f*cking vote for Obama you Motherf*ckers.  We have a mothef*cking black motherf*ing Muslim in the White House!  There is hope for America you f*cking c*cksuckers!  Vote for f*cking Obama and I’ll take off all my clothes!

As the crowd of gay men in their 50s and 60s applauded wildly, the former star was helped to her feet by the backup dancers and feebly attempted to lower her pants to show her “Tramp Stamp” which had the words “Obama” emblazoned on it.

“I can’t reach.  I can’t reach.  My arthritis” she was heard to lament.

As her backup dancers attempted to lower her pants Madonna screamed out, “My bursitis!  Oh god my bursitis!”

The attempt to show “Obama” on her butt was only partially successful as the tattoo was obscured by folds of fallen skin.

Once the backup dancers gingerly returned Madonna to her wheelchair she started to sing “Like a Virgin” with special lyrics adapted just for the occasion:

Like a virgin/touched for the very first time/but please don’t touch me my bones ache/when my oxygen tank beats next to my wheelchair/I know I can breathe again

Gonna give you all my love boy/until I take a nap/my pulse is fading fast/been saving it all for you/because my life cannot last much longer

So f*cking vote for Obama/the black muslim/ooh baby can you hear my heart beat?/No seriously/Can you hear my heart beat because I can’t

After the concert Madonna was led back to the nursing home where she was serenaded by a Boy Scout troop.  The occasion was marred however when Madonna told the Boy Scouts that she would “strip f*cking naked” if they voted for “f*cking Obama!”

When Madonna was told that the Boy Scouts were not old enough to vote she fell asleep.

In a related note, since her promise to strip naked if President Obama wins reelection polls show Romney leading Obama by a remarkable 98 to 2 percent.

“I guess you can only ask so much of Americans before they push back” said a pollster.


8 Responses

  1. Yes, it is tough for “once wasers” when they become “has beeners”. She looks much younger in that photo than she really is, doesn’t she?

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: That’s why I like being a never-was. A never was can never become a has been.

  3. Christel Brown says:

    I happened across your blog in the deep recesses of the dark of night, and every morning I come to be enlightened! Many times you have caused me to snort my coffee from out my nose all over my laptop… You owe me!! 😉

    Keep up the good work!

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Thank you CB. Welcome to my humble corner of the blogosphere.

  5. Madge really needs a Geritol drip.

  6. Good lord that’s scary, like gollum from mordor.

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: Among other things.

    RWT: Yes. Be afraid. Ber very afraid.

  8. Matt says:

    Was the photo retouched to make her look better?

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