In my travels across America sitting on a bar stool in Manhattan many of my readers the police have asked me to talk about racism hands up against the wall punk this is a bust.

Specifically they want to know two things.  What is racism? And are they racist?

Let’s start with the definition of racism:

1. Opposition to the policies of President Barack Hussein Obama.
2. Opposition to Barack Hussein Obama.

Now obviously if you disagree with President Obama you are a racist unfit for polite society.  But how does racism manifest itself? Many times it is quite subtle, as the following questions from readers show.

Our first question comes from Matt B., of Poughqaug, New York who writes, “I once googled Catherine Zeta-Jones online. Does that make me racist?”

Definitely Matt.  Catherine Zeta-Jones starred in the 2002 film “Chicago.”  And as has been proven Chicago is a racist code word for opposition to Barack Obama.  Your google search betrays your racism.  I suggest you try googling “reparations” instead.

Our next question comes from David H. of Baltimore who writes, “I once went to a baseball game at Camden Yards.  The Orioles were playing the Chicago White Sox.  Does that make me racist?”

David:  You make me sick.  The very fact that of all the teams the Orioles could face you chose to see them play the Chicago White Sox proves you are a despicable, disgusting racist.   And I hope you never visit my blog again because I do not need traffic from racists!

My third question is from Andrejs P. of Poughkeepsie, New York.  “I like to watch hockey.  Does that make me racist?”

Oh come on!  Are you serious? Hockey is the mark of the racist beast.  You sir are a grade A racist.  I hope you are shunned by your neighbors.  Your only hope for Democratic redemption is that you don’t root for the Chicago Blackhawks.

James B., of Tampa, Florida writes, “I own a business…..”

You know I’m not even going to bother reading the rest of your question.  You own a business?  Really?  This is obvious evidence of your racism.  Why do you hate Barack Obama?  You didn’t build your business.  Your business was built by the taxpayers of America.

Mark A., of Las Vegas Nevada writes, “I play bass in a rock band.  Does that make me racist?”

Yes.  Bassism is racism.  Everyone knows that.  When you play your bass you oppose the policies of Barack Obama.  I have one question for you:  Have you ever played your bass in Chicago?  You have?  Then go to hell you racist bastard!

Alex D. of Birmingham, Alabama writes, “I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.  Does that make me racist?”

No.  Since its inception after the Civil War the KKK has traditionally been the military wing of the Democratic Party.  This means you are not racist.  But you do hate bankers, capitalists and Jews.  This makes you a progressive liberal.  Unless of course you belong to the KKK’s Chicago wing.  In which case you are indeed a racist.

And there you have it readers.  If you love Catherine Zeta-Jones, baseball, hockey, own a business, play bass and/or do any of these things in Chicago you are a racist.

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