Yankees Win; Blogger Goes in Search of “Green Crack”

“We got some female stuff for you right here” ~ said at the Yankees women’s team store.

Get your free birth control!

The above photo is from the New York Yankees “Women’s team store” where they apparently sell merchandise that will appeal to women.  Basically its the same shit they sell at the other stores, only pink.  No word on whether the Yankees women’s team store has free birth control available or, like the Republicans, they have declared war on women.

Yes, the Yankees Woman’s Team Store:  For all your vagina-related baseball needs!

The Yankees started Hiroki Kuroda (14-10 3.26) while Tampa countered with Matt Moore (10-11 3.88).

Kiroda was dominant until running into trouble in the sixth, striking out ten (including the side in the first two innings) and walking two.

The Yankees exploded for five runs in the third inning on three hits.  Eduardo Nunez led off with a walk and stole second and scored on a Derek Jeter single.  After a Nick “last few weeks with the Yankees” Swisher ground out Alex Rodriguez singled home Jeter.  A walk to Robinson Cano  lead to a Russell Martin three-run home run.  5-0 Yankees after three.

The (Devil) Rays got a run back in the top of the fourth when Ben Zobrist hit a home run that landed in front of the bleachers.  It was promptly thrown back onto the field.

The Yankees got a run back in the bottom of the fourth when Eduardo Nunez led off with a single and then stole second and third.  Alex Rodriguez then hit a sacrifice fly scoring Nunez.  6-1 Yankees after four.

Kiroda had been cruising, giving up only one run and two hits through five but quickly got into trouble in the sixth.  After a lead-off walk to Jose Lobaton, Desmond Jennings then singled.  Another walk to Ben Zobrist loaded the bases.  Evan Longoria then hit a two-run single.  Matt Joyce then grounded into a double play allowing Zobrist to score.   6-4 Yankees after six.

And that was the final score as the Yankee bullpen held the (Devil) Rays.  Boone Logan and David Phelps pitched a scoreless seventh.  David Robertson pitched a scoreless eight and Rafael Soriano pitched the ninth, getting his 40th save in 43 opportunities.  Almost Mariano-like numbers.  What they are going to do with him next year when Mariano comes back is a big question mark.

Notes on the game:

The man sitting behind me in the bleachers was talking about his plans after the game:  “My weed delivery guy has a special strain he’s been developing.  It’s called ‘Green Crack’ and I’m going to Staten Island to get it.”

Naturally this has me curious.  Green crack?  Lectroids? Planet 10? Nuclear extortion? A girl named “John”? I don’t know what to say.  So I will have to travel to this “Staten” Island in search of the Green Crack.  It may be dangerous.  I may not survive.  But I will probably be very mellow.

So I invite all my blogging friends to join me in this “Staten” Island searching for Green Crack.  I’ve heard many things about this “Staten” Island.  Mainly it’s a lot like Italy, but without marble.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried by my heckle of

Thou art a beaten dog beneath the hail

A swollen magpie in a fitful sun

Half black half white

Nor knowst’ou wing from tail

Pull down thy vanity

How mean thy hates

Fostered in falsity

Pull down thy vanity

Rathe to destroy, niggard in charity

Pull down thy vanity!

I say pull down!

didn’t fire up the crowd.  Maybe it was too much of a downer.

Recommended reading material:

The Pisan Cantos by Ezra Pound.

Reader mail:

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “The Eagles are the team to beat in the NFC East this year.”

Looks like D.B. has been sampling not green crack, but just plain ole crack.

T.S. of Queens (but originally Philadelphia) writes, “I agree with D.B.  The Eagles are the team to beat.”

And this from a man who has the lyrics to “Oh Yoko” tattooed on his arm.

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “This Green Crack has piqued my curiosity.  I may be of value to you in your search through the wilds of this ‘Staten’ Island you speak of.”

You’re welcome to join me son.  Just get rid of the Mohawk.  It just screams “Feds!”

My record at Yankee games this year stands at 9-4.  My next and final game of the regular season is Tuesday October 2nd against the last place (I just love saying that) Boston Red Sox.

As I write this Baltimore is leading Oakland 7-4 in the eighth.  If they hold on to win the Yankees will maintain a slim one game lead over Baltimore.

Go Yankees!



9 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    I wonder if the Green Crack was funded with Porkulus funds? If it were, it won’t get you high, and the dealer will go out of business!

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: I’ll have to look into this.

  3. here in Vennezuela, people are always calling me a Yankee. But, I don’t even like baseball. I wonder what they mean?

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Maybe it’s the steroids. it’s a dead giveaway. And how can you live in Venezuela and not like baseball? That’s like living in Chicago and not liking murder!

  5. innominatus says:

    You always provide so much detail about these games. It’s like being there. How do you remember all those details? Some possibilities come to mind:

    You’re some kind of savant with a photographic memory
    You score the game from your seat
    You just repeat what they said on ESPN

    Not sure why I care but for some reason, it is really important for me to know. Really Important.

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: If you must know I score the game. Yep. While everyone else is knocking back 10 dollar beers and 20 dollar tubs of sliders and fries I have my head in my score sheet.

  7. Green Crack is what they were smoking when they built Fenway Park and the Green Monster.

    Also, Boston sawks….ah you know the rest.

  8. innominatus says:

    Whoa. Scoring a game just took on a whole new meaning!

  9. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: I saw that article. Left field bleachers. Explains it. I sit in the right field bleachers. We are much classier in right field.

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