Yankees Avoid Chicken Ignominy

“This chicken is delicious” ~ Anonymous Yankee

Watching the chicken eaters

Remember the good old days of July?  The Yankees held an 11½ game lead.  Those were the days my friend.  I thought they’d never end.

And so I found myself on a Saturday afternoon during labor day weekend at Yankee Stadium.  The Yankees had lost the night before and their lead over the Orioles now stood at a dangerous two games.  A loss today would bring it down to one game.  A sweep would mean that they go into Tampa tied.  A win was desperately needed.

The Yankees started the promising David Phelps (3-4 3.13) and the Orioles countered with Wei-Yin Chen (12-8 3.79).

Baltimore scored first as Phelps just had trouble locating the strike zone.  After a lead off walk to Mick Markakis J.J. Hardy singled him to third. He then scored when Nate McLouth grounded into a double play. 1-0 Orioles after one.

In the top of the second the Orioles scored again.  As he did in the first inning Phelps walked (in this case hit) the lead off batter.  He then walked Mark Reynolds  Davis and Reynolds then advanced to 2nd and 3rd on a fielder’s choice.  Davis then scored on a Manny Machado single.  2-0 Orioles after two.

Why did David Phelps walk four in the first two innings?  The answer is obvious:  He’s racist.

Baltimore scored again in the top of the fourth when Matt Weiters led off with a home run.

Why did Matt Weiters lead off with a home run?  The answer is obvious.  He’s a bigger racist than David Phelps, although Phelps continued to be racist by walking two more in that inning.

The Yankees got a run back in the bottom of the fourth when Robinson Cano homered.  3-1 Orioles after four.

The Yankees scored three runs in the top of the seventh on two hits.  New Yankee Steve Pearce hit a single.  After Jason Nix walked (a racist walk) Yankee call up and DH Eduardo Nunez singled home Pearce while Nix went to third.  Ichiro Suzuki then walked loading the bases.  Jeter, after going down 0-2 walked in Jason Nix.  Nick Swisher then hit what should have been an inning ending grounder to Oriole shortstop J.J. Hardy who booted it, scoring Nunez.  4-3 Yankees after seven.

And that was the final score.  David Robertson pitched a scoreless eighth and Rafael Soriano struck out two out of three in the ninth, recording his 35th save.  Boone Logan (6-2 3.72) got the win for the Yankees and Chen was the loser for the Orioles.

Notes on the game:

With school starting it was school binder day at Yankee Stadium.  The first 14,000 fans 12 and under got a school binder.

Remember kids:  Most of you will suck at sports and won’t make millions or sleep with strippers every night.  So study.  Losers.

The National Anthem was sung by Pete Best.  Or at least part of it.  He was fired midway through and replaced by Ringo Starr.

September call up Eduardo Nunez was the DH. He is error-prone and this is the safest position for him.  He committed an error in the on deck circle.

Until the Yankees came back in the seventh the crowd at Yankee Stadium was quiet.  Dead actually.  I’d say they were deader than the cast of the Jeffersons.

I caught this candid shot of Yankee starting catcher Russell Martin with his head between his legs, no doubt contemplating his .196 average.

I”m batting .196.  Barf.

Where have you gone Francisco Cervelli?  The Yankees turn their lonely eyes to you.  What’s that you say Brian Cashman? Francisco Cervelli has gone to Triple A, ay-ay-ay.

As is always my case I showed up early to watch batting practice.  I just love watching batting practice.  It’s a fascinating part of the game.

Not Meredith Marakovitz

Okay.  Truth is I was hoping to catch a sight of Yankee roving sideline reporter Meredith Marakovitz.


This is Meredith Marakovitz

This is Meredith Marakovitz

Okay, while I have enjoyed the travails of the Red Sox after their collapse last year I have to ask one question?


Chicken is the enemy

Derek Jeter?  Andy Pettitte?  I doubt it.  They are veterans.  Professionals.  Joba Chamberlain?  Could be.  Perhaps his trampoline accident has messed with his mind.


Oh well,  Bobby Valentine will be out of work in a month.  Perhaps the Yankees can hire him.

Best heckle of the game:

My heckle of “Hey Orioles.  You suck.  Now stop beating us!” didn’t fire up the crowd.

Recommended reading material:

The Reconstruction of the New York Democracy, 1861-1874 by Jerome Mushkat.

Reader mail:

Bobby Valentine writes, “Manage the Yankees.  Sure.  Just get rid of the chicken eaters.”

I agree with you Mr. Valentine. Chicken eaters are evil.

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “I often eat chicken before killing prostitutes.”

I rest my case as to the evil of chicken eaters.

And so my record this year stands at 8-4.  As I write this (Sunday afternoon) the chicken-eating Yankees have fallen to Baltimore 8-3, cutting their lead to two games.

It’s going to be a long September as the Yankees play 23 of their final 29 games against opponents in the AL East.  My next game is Sunday September 16th against the Tampa Bay Rays.

Go Yankees!  And stop eating chicken!



4 Responses

  1. “Why did David Phelps walk four in the first two innings? The answer is obvious: He’s racist.”

    Hmmm…that depends on who he walked. Maybe it was affirmative action in action. Just saying…

  2. innominatus says:

    Mmmm…. Chicken. It tastes just like chicken! Pete Best likes chicken. Ringo, too, but in an unconventional way. I wonder if Simon & Garfunkel like chicken. It’s hard to know.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim, Inn: The Yankees I fear are heading towards a collapse of Boston Red Sox proportions. You live by the senior citizen, you die by the senior citizen. The Yankees are a very very very old team. I think they are just plum tuckered out.

  4. As long as they don’t augment the chicken with beer, they should be okay.

    Emphasis on ‘should’.

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