Occupy Plymouth Rock!


December, 1620.  Plymouth Colony

The protest movement known as “Occupy Plymouth Rock” that has the whole world watching entered its second week.

“We’re here for the long run” said Occupation military leader Miles Standish. “This is what democracy looks like.”

The occupiers, or “pilgrims” as they prefer to be known have landed at Plymouth Rock to protest income inequality in England.  Said Standish:

There’s nothing merry about ye olde merry England at All.  One percent of the populations holds all the wealth.  The other 99% like us live in poverty and filth.  Granted, not as much poverty and filth as the Irish but pretty darn close.  That’s why we came here to Plymouth Rock.  We have all the supplies we need to sustain ourselves like sleeping tents and guns.  Yeah, we ain’t leaving.  Just let the man try and force us out!

A spokesman for the native American community told reporters that “while the English are free to exercise their rights we cannot allow them to stay for very long.  Their personal hygiene is atrocious. Don’t stand downwind of an Englishman that’s all I have to say.”

Already local natives have complained to their local confederations of the filth, disease and drug abuse that the English are bringing to Plymouth Rock.

Many native Americans are afraid to go near the English.

“They brought drugs with them and every night I see them drinking from their bottles” said a concerned local.  “I can’t even go out and hunt and gather anymore without one of them accosting me and calling me a fat cat.”

Businesses in the area are complaining that since the English arrived their profits have decreased dramatically.

“It’s noisy.  Filthy.  They keep coming up here to use our bathrooms. My customers have started going elsewhere.  Filthy smelly Englishmen!”

Plans are afoot to drive the English back to their ship.  Local native American police forces have gathered around the colony.  Said one, “A nighttime raid is a possibility.  We have to clean up Plymouth Rock.”

No matter what the outcome Miles Standish hopes that “someday, somewhere in the future the Pilgrims will be remembered and I will be mentioned in an R.E.M. song.”


6 Responses

  1. As long as the Irish don’t show up, this new social movement should be just fine.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Damn Irish are always ruining everything!

  3. MK says:

    Happy thanksgiving Infidel, i’m off for a break, have a wonderful Christmas.

  4. Great Job on this post, great blog as well.

  5. LSP says:

    With all due respect, Infidel, the English are known for their high levels of personal cleanliness, good teeth and world class cuisine.

    Happy Mabon! er, Thanksgiving.

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    TM: As one malcontent to the other: thank you.

    LSP Are you sure you’re not talking about the Welsh?

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