The cold arctic has a new vacation spot.  Superman, famed superhero with mighty powers and rumored reporter for the Daily Planet, has turned his fortress of solitude into a bed and breakfast.

“I am happy and excited about this” Superman told reporters.

I don’t know much about running a business frankly.  Most of my experience has been bending steel, crushing bad guys and escaping from the phantom zone.  But I needed a new challenge.  And I figured why not turn my fortress of solitude into an ice hotel?  They say crime doesn’t pay?  Well neither does crime fighting.  So this will help pay off some of my debts.

Still Superman had many regulatory hurdles to overcome.

Who would have thought the North Pole had so many regulations.  What difference does it make what sort of light bulbs I use?  And don’t get me started on the whole providing health care thing.  I’ll take the fine.  That’s still cheaper than giving health benefits to my employees.  Let the government take care of them.

But once Superman cleared all the regulations he still had to find employees to staff his Fortress of Solitude.

No one wants to come up to the North Pole.  Go figure.  It is kind of out of the way. Even the Norwegians wouldn’t come here.  Christ their entire country is arctic.  So I hired a bunch of Mexicans. One hand washes the other.  I’m paying them ten dollars an hour but it’s steady work so they’re happy.  And I bought some fake citizenship papers for all of them. The government need not know.

Another problem Superman encountered was Lex Luthor.

The bald-headed freak was a real pain in the ass.  It’s bad enough he’s banging Lana Lang.  He tried to stop me from opening this and when he couldn’t do that he tried to get a piece of the action.  But I’m not splitting the money with anyone.  I may be from another planet but that doesn’t mean I’m a socialist.

Finally after months of preparation it was time for opening.  Superman, in his trademark cape, stood by the entrance greeting the guests.

Hi I’m Superman.  Yes I normally dress like this.  Look just because I’m wearing a cape doesn’t mean this is a gay-themed bed and breakfast.   No I don’t want to do the rusty trombone with you.  Look just take your money and get the hell out of here.

Superman looked out at the crowd and pondered his new venture.

The public.  What a bunch of a–holes.  I’m going to hate serving them I know.  But I need the money.  Things should really pick up when my  liquor license comes through.  I’ve already hired a Scotsman to be my bartender.

Rooms in the Fortress of Solitude start at $120 a night not including taxes.  Book now for Spring Break!

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