Diary of an Occupying Hippie

Oh man I think I have lice!

Day 1.  September 17, 2011.

This is soooo cool!  I arrived in downtown Manhattan to find hundreds of other revolutionaries! Morale here is high.  Together we can change the world and defeat the capitalists.  I just wish the park had wifi.  I have this new Macbook that’s bitchin!  Thanks mom and dad for buying it for me.  But without Wifi it’s pretty much useless.  Oh well.  Time to go to sleep.

Day 2.  September 18th, 2011.

Wow.  So cool. I slept here in the park last night with my comrades and the man did not disturb us.  I woke up once because I had to urinate.  I found a bottle and urinated in that.  Then I put it back on the table.  Sure hope no one drinks it.  This is the start of the revolution!  What the hell?  Where’s my Macbook?  This is just great.  No doubt the man or some other pig took my Macbook during the night.  That had all my music!

Day 3.  September 19, 2011.

I kept it in as long as I could but I had to defecate.  I crapped all over a cop car!  That’s sticking it to the pigs.  When I told everyone what I did they all high-fived me.  I’m  popular!  I’m really popular.  I just wish that hot chick over there would talk to me.  It’s starting to stink in the park.  Must be the stench of capitalism.  Time to go to sleep.  I stole someone’s Macbook today.  It’s only fair.  Why should he have one when I don’t.

Day 10.  September 26, 2011.

They are building some really tall skyscraper not far from me.  They call it the Freedom Tower.  Apparently the previous tower collapsed after it caught fire.  I don’t believe that. Steel does not melt.  It was probably some Jew.

Day  17.  October 3rd, 2011.

Last night I heard the hot chick having sex.  I just wish it was me having sex with her.  Everyone here smells pretty bad.  Must be exposure to the exhaust fumes from passing cars and buses.  Today someone stole the  Macbook that I stole.  Life isn’t fair sometimes.

Day 25.  October 11, 2011.

I’ve been scratching my head all day.  Everyone has been scratching their heads all day.  It just itches.  Some fat cat banker told me I probably had lice.   Like I’m going to listen to the 1%.

Day 30.  October 16th, 2011.


Day 34.  October 20th, 2011.

The homeless in the area keep coming into OUR park and taking OUR food.  They have no right to our food.  They didn’t work for any of it.  Cough.  Everyone in the park is coughing.  Even the hot chick when she’s having sex.  I don’t like her anymore.   My head itches so bad it’s driving me crazy.

Day 35.  October 21, 2011.


Day 36.  October 22, 2011.

Scratching my head all day.

Day 37.  October 23, 2011.

Cough.  Scratch.

Day 47.  November 2nd. 2011.

I stole the Macbook that had been stolen from me that I originally stole when mine was taken.  Last night I confronted the hot chick. I went into her tent and got on top of her.  She screamed and said get off me.  Like her body is private property!  Isn’t that what we are fighting against?  Everyone heard her screams.  The others in the park surrounded me and shouted, “Shame, shame, shame” until I went back to my tent.   Cough.

Day 53.  November 8th, 2011.

Today is election day.  I’ve never voted myself but my parents and aunts and uncles do.  David Crosby and Graham Nash were here today.  Neither one was coughing or scratching their head.   This is just like Woodstock!  This is so cool man!  Someone stole the Macbook that had been stolen from me that I originally stole when mine was stolen.


Day 60. November 15, 2011.

The pigs showed up this morning and told us all to leave.  Many were arrested. The hot chick looked hot in handcuffs.  They say we can go back in the afternoon after they “delouse” the park, whatever that means.   I don’t think I’ll be going back.  I’m tired and cold.


Postscript. November 21, 2011.

I am back home with mom and dad.  They seemed happy to see me and offered to help me with my resume and cover letter.  Today they are taking me to the doctor.  They say he’s going to give me some pills and use a special comb on my hair.




5 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    After what these hippies have done, how long will it be until an ordinary person can safely go to Zucotti without a hazmat suit and a flea collar?

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: The hazmat suits don’t work. They dissolve on contact with Zuccotti Park.

  3. Matt says:

    Just wait until they turn the entire country into a giant OWS camp. Let me practice…



  4. John Carey says:

    Ahhh back to mom and dad and their evil capitalistic ways….now where did I leave my Mac?

  5. MK says:

    The lice are a dastardly ploy to scatter the freedom fighters by capitalist Jews. I hear tin foil is good to keep them at bay, or just jumping into the water and drowning them.

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