Lawsuit Divides Three Little Pigs

The three little pigs in happier daysOnce inseparable the three little pigs now won’t speak to each other, victims of income inequality.

The three pigs upon reaching maturity were sent out into the world by their mother to “seek their fortune.

The first pig was not very successful.

“I’ve never been very good at business” he admitted in the deposition.  “I’m a dreamer.”

Without good job prospects he took advantage of a sub prime mortgage and built his house out of the cheapest building material he could find:  straw.

His house was modest and he was “Poor but proud.  And I had an iPad.”

All was well until a big bad wolf, or as the pig refers to him, “some Jew banker” came along and with a huff and a puff blew his house down.  “Just because I was behind on the mortgage payments.”

Now homeless his life descended into a hell of drug addiction.  The final blow to his dignity coming when he sold his beloved iPad to feed his crack addiction.

The second pig was a little more successful and was able to build his house out of sticks.

“Not bad for a midlevel manager” he maintained.

Still the housing and credit crisis of 2008 hit him hard.  He lost his job and was unable to make payments on his house of sticks.  Soon a big bad wolf, “from some Jew-owned bank probably” came and blew his house down.

Also reduced to homelessness he took to robbery to pay for his new iPad and give himself food money.

Unlike his two brothers the third little pig was very successful. Obtaining a well-paying job and watching his debt he was able to build his house out of bricks.  When the market collapsed in 2008 he was able to survive, albeit by the hair of his “chinny chin chin.”

Successfully refinancing he is now actually ahead on his payments and looks forward to paying off his mortgage sooner than expected.

Then the trouble began.

Upon hearing of his success his two brothers sued.  They are asking that the third little pig share his wealth and “rightfully redistribute to us what should be ours.”

“It’s only fair” said the little pig who build his house out of straw.  “I mean, why should he have more than we do?  He may be my brother but he represents the 1%. ”

The pig who built his house of out sticks added that “I blame my mother.  She should never have sent us out into the world.  Competition is bourgeois.  We were happy at home.  So it’s her fault too.  And the big bad wolf banker of course.”

The lawyer for the little pig who built his house out of brick has stated that the lawsuit if “frivolous” and looks forward to vindicating his client.


6 Responses

  1. Chakam says:

    The third pig is obviously down with Dave Ramsey.

    Reading this article makes me wonder if Orwell knew something we didn’t know regarding pigs in general, considering Animal Farm and all.

    Maybe pigs need to be slaughtered and wiped out, for I do not wish to support their inherent evil. I mean, the third pig, (labeled an Uncle Tom and “house bacon” by the other two brothers), made good and all, but….I’ll be keeping my eye on those damn porkers. I just don’t trust ’em.

  2. If piggy #3 was a good crony capitalist, he would make a deal the government and sell his brothers into serfdom.

  3. MK says:

    That was a good one.

  4. Matt says:

    They should have called Rambo!

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    chakum: Pigs! Who trusts them, really?

    Jim: Consider it already done.

    MK: Thanks.

    Matt: Rambo was busy steam cleaning Zuccotti Park.

  6. Chakam says:


    If piggy #3 was a good capitalist, he would have signed a contract with Chris Dodd in Congress and made sure his bonus would be paid as promised, ala AIG.

    “You bastards! America is going broke because of people like you and yet you still get a BONUS?!! What? It’s a Congressional signed contract? Chris Dodd? Oh. Um. Well, you still represent all that’s wrong with America, you richie rich rich person!”

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