Ronald McDonald Goes Green!

Eat the green stuff kids or the government will shut me down!In any business adapt or die is the motto.  Businesses must change their services, indeed, even their very reason for being if they are to stay in business.  The fast food industry is no different.  Recently I visited a McDonalds and had a chance to witness first hand the excitement of hope and change.

Greeting me at the entrance to the restaurant was Ronald McDonald himself, who was wearing a button that said “Eat green kids.  It’s healthy!”

MI:  Hello Ronald.  It’s nice to meet you.

RM:  Hello!  Look at my button.  It’s time to eat green!

MI:  Let’s talk about that.  I notice your menu has a lot of new green items on it.  Arugula Quarter pounder. Arugula Big Mac. Belgian Endive McNuggets.

RM:  Green is good!  Green is healthy!  And the kids love it!

MI:   Really? I remind you I am a blogger so you are obligated to tell the truth.

RM:  Alright. You got me.  [Whispering]  Truth is the kids hate the crap.  So do I.  But if I didn’t greenify my menu the Feds were going to shut me down.  Crimes against children.  A cholesterol bandit they called me.  Me?  Ronald McDonald.  I love kids. Remember the good old days when a parent could take his kid to a McDonalds without the government interfering?  It was a treat.  No one got hurt.

MI:  How is the new green menu selling?

RM:  Not good.  No one, apparently, likes Belgian Endive McNuggets. [Shouting]  Like I could have told the government that!

MI:  Please.  Don’t raise your voice.

RM:  I’m sorry. But I’m losing my livelihood. Watch this.  Hey kid, do you want an Arugula Big Mac?

Kid:  Ewww.  Arugula tastes like sick stuff like when my little brother threw up on me.

RM:  You see!  You see!  It’s just that I don’t understand the world anymore. It’s bad enough that I have naked men walking into McDonald’s in San Francisco.  Do you know how awkward it is to tell a six-year old that the naked man’s pee-pee isn’t an Belgian Endive McNugget? When did I become a biology teacher?  Why do I have to tell kids about penises?

MI:  Wow.  I never knew this was going to be so tough on you.  Have you talked to your competitors? How are they faring?  How’s Burger King doing?

RM:  Burger King?  He’s got problems of his own.  Civil war you know  Been deposed.  Last I saw he was hanging out at a Wendy’s looking for asylum.

MI:  Jesus.

RM:  I know.  Hey, what time is it?

MI:  It’s a little after 11 AM.

RM:  Good.  The bars are open.  Let’s grab a few pints.

MI:  Sounds like a good idea.  Maybe a burger too?

RM:  As long as it’s not green. [laughter]

And so ended my visit to a McDonalds.   Readers. next time you visit a McDonalds try the green stuff.  Let’s keep him in business. And if you happen to see the Burger King let him know that what happened to Kaddafi will happen to him as well.


5 Responses

  1. yeah well, I have no sympathy for McDonald’s or Burger King, or Windy’s. They all employee too many teenagers at slave labor wages. We need to shut them all down. The teens will thank us.

  2. The thing most people don’t realize about these huge corporations is that they are all totally down with the Elite’s agenda. Did you know that former Obama undersecretary of State, Anne Marie Slaughter sits or did sit on the board of McDonald’s.

    What is the Elite’s agenda? A worldwide socialists government run by them at the expense of us. These OWS idiots ought to get a clue that they are advocating Marxism at the office building of the biggest Marxists in the entire world. Proof? The bailout and government subsidizing of these firms is straight up commie, even if they put flowery language on it.

    So in the future, we might be working for quarter-pounders in our low-carbon foot print cardboard box.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: No happy meal for you!

    RM: You’re preaching to the choir. Wall street is very liberal. Very socialist.

  4. Matt says:

    Soylent Green, coming to a McDonald’s near you?

  5. MK says:

    “And if you happen to see the Burger King let him know that what happened to Kaddafi will happen to him as well.”

    Damn, it’s a cold, vicious, merciless world out there for burger king.

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