Dateline:  April 13, 2023.

Displaying an unprecedented degree of impatience with its foremost debtor, The People’s Republic of China issued a statement today saying that the “United States must follow the directives that we want” or face the full “military might of China.”

With the debt of the United States hovering at 90 percent of its GNP, unemployment at 17% for the second straight decade and the dollar now trading at .02 cents China said it must act now to protect its investment.

“We cannot continue buying worthless U.S. dollars” said a source in the Chinese government.  “The U.S. must be held accountable.”

Foremost among the changes demanded by China:  The United States Constitution will be suspended.  In place of the current government a Chinese overseer will be appointed by Beijing.   This overseer’s primary task will be to make sure that the U.S. debt is reduced.

Also, the outmoded system of  capitalism that flourished in the United States will be replaced by centralized economic planning from Beijing.

With the Chinese Fleet stationed off the West Coast and with the U.S. military mothballed to help pay for Obamacare, the U.S. has no choice but to submit.

“It’s going to be painful” said President Michelle Obama.  “But Americans have to stop being so selfish.  Perhaps if Americans ate healthier foods this would never have happened.”

Already many pro-government stations are lauding the takeover.  On MSNBC Joe Scarborough, host of “Morning Joe” talked about the many benefits of Chinese rule.

Scarborough:  You have to look at what China has accomplished.

Mika Brzezinski:  Americans are stupid.

Scarborough:  I mean, the beauty, the purity of the Chinese system.  It’s a marvel.  One man rule is the way to go.

Mika Brzezinski:  I was in a red state once.  My god, I never saw so many sloped foreheads.

Scarborough:  And I want to remind the Chinese that as a popular television personality I can be most useful rounding up my fellow Americans to work in the underground Chinese salt mines. Yes, I know Kent Brockman said that but I think it’s worth repeating.

China will begin implementing the takeover next week and expects to be in direct control of the United States for no more than “a couple of decades.  Perhaps a century.”

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