With the controversy swelling around the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms Operation Fast and Furious, where as many as 2500 firearms were allowed to be sold illegally in a sting operation, other failed sting operations run by the government in the past have come to light.
“We’ve been running sting operations for over 200 years” said Attorney General Eric Holder. “They all seemed like good ideas at the time. Some however didn’t work out as planned.”
Under the Freedom of Information Act I was able to obtain a list of government-run sting operations dating back to 1800.
- In 1804 under orders from President Jefferson the government ran a sting operation entitled “Operation Shoot Alexander Hamilton.”
The purpose of this sting operation was to see if anyone could kill Hamilton, preferably in a duel. By the time Jefferson was informed that the operation was probably illegal it was already too late and, much to his embarrassment, his own Vice President Aaron Burr had shot Hamilton. Jefferson considered this the “greatest mistake of my career. Well, that and getting the Clap while staying in Philadelphia.”
- In the winter of 1860 a curious sting operation was run called “Operation Secede from the United States.“
Under this sting southern states were encouraged to leave the Union in order to test their loyalty. The operation was a failure (or a success depending on your point of view.) In his memoirs, President James Buchanan referred to the sting in one word: “Whoops.”
- In the spring of 1865 as the Civil War was winding down the Attorney General’s office ran a sting entitled “Let’s See If We Can Find a Crazy Actor to Shoot the President.”
Apparently Lincoln’s Attorney General James Speed had gone to Ford’s Theater earlier that year and hated the play he saw. Angered at having to pay for his ticket Speed devised the sting as a way of assuaging his hatred for actors. “Kinda backfired” Speed wrote later.
The aforementioned sting operations are only some of the few run by the government. Others include:
- Operation “Sink the Maine.”
- Operation “Get Pancho Villa to Invade New Mexico.“
- Operation “Surprise Attack on Pearl Harbor.”
- Operation “Clog Eisenhower’s Arteries.”
And perhaps their most controversial sting:
- Operation “Van Halen Will be a Lot Better Without David Lee Roth.”
Attorney General Holder has promised Congress that the government will get out of the sting business.
“We’re obviously not very good at it and we have better things to do with taxpayer money, like having NASA improve the self-esteem of Muslims.”
(713)
Well, you have to admit that NASA has an impossible task.
Jim: Yeah, NASA has a bitch of a job. I don’t understand. You would think the Religion of Peace (ROP) would be….well, peaceful.
Hey, Van Hagar wasn’t so bad. Well, I mean, 5150 wasn’t so bad. Well, I mean, a couple songs on 5150 weren’t so bad….
BTW, Gordon Sumner is nonplussed by this blog post.
Inn: Well, we know Van Halen didn’t peak until they hired that guy who replaced Hagar.
Oh, and Sumner can kiss my butt. I’ve hated his pompous ass since the Wet dream of the blue turtles with psoriasis album.
Shocking confession: I kinda liked Van Hagar.
Matt, you liked Roth better than Hagar though…right?
Matt: I always knew you were a government operative!
Shamus: Next thing you know people will start saying Genesis was better with Phil Collins on lead vocals instead of Peter Gabriel.
As it turned out david lee roth was just a gigilo and everywhere he go people be talkin’ bout him.
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