Here at the World-Wide (Hell, the Galaxy-Wide) headquarters of Manhattan Infidel, I am pleased to announce a new feature:  The First Annual Manhattan Infidel Rock & Roll Fantasy Camp to be held the weekend of September 3rd 2011.

The festivities will start precisely at 9 AM on Saturday morning.  All those attending will be directed to their room where an unconscious groupie awaits.  You will then have sex with the unconscious groupie, stopping occasionally to clean the vomit out of her mouth before she chokes to death.

At Noon on Saturday you will meet your fellow fantasy campers where you will be divided into bands.  You will then give your band a name using only a combination of the words “sex”, “motorcycle” and  The Apostles’ Creed (in Latin.)   For instance, your new band could be called The Omnipotentem Sex Peccatorum Motorcyles.

At 2 PM your band will break up due to tension caused by your new Japanese girlfriend.

At 3 PM you and your former bandmates will commence legal action against each other.  It is recommended that you write a song defaming your former bandmates.

At 5 PM it is lecture time.  So get out your notebooks because a slew of Rock & Roll heavyweights will be here to give advice and answer your questions.  Among those attending:

• Pete Townsend – The lead guitarist for The Who will be giving a lecture entitled, “Why I think Roger Daltry is an jerk and how to convince the police that you visited the child porn site for research purposes only.”
• Vince Neil – The Motley Crue member will give a lecture on “How to beat a DWI and vehicular manslaughter charge.“
• Jeremy Gelbwaks – The original drummer for the Partridge Family will be talking about how to be successful in the Rock music industry.  Rule no. 1:  “Don’t piss off Danny Bonaduce.”  Rule no. 2:  “Susan Dey gives it up sweeter than candy.”
• Pete Best – Rounding out our fired drummer meme, original Beatles drummer Pete Best will discuss what it’s like to work a 12-hour shift as a short order cook while trying not to cry.  He will also give instructions on how to rush the back beat.

After the lectures are over it’s lights out at 11 PM.

At 11:01 PM sex with groupies in darkness commences.  It is recommended that you have plenty of alcohol available.  And none of  that wussy beer either.  Vodka is the order of the day.

On Sunday at 1 PM you will be awoken from your heavy alcohol-induced slumber by a policeman poking you with his nightstick.  You will then be handcuffed while you try to explain how the underage girl in your bed was decapitated.  Your  defense of “It’s Rock and Roll Baby!‘ will set a legal precedent.

And there you have it.  It promises to be a fun weekend for all.  So please make your reservations now because available slots are sure to fill up quickly.

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