300: The Director's Cut

Let’s get the hell out of here!Recently I bought the director’s cut DVD of the popular movie “300.”  And I must say that the differences between the director’s cut and the original release enabled me to have a new interpretation of that movie, an interpretation I feel modern man can relate to.  I shall now highlight a few instances from the movie and how the director’s cut differs.  The reader can make their own judgments.

Scene I:  King Leonidis and his troops are preparing to leave Sparta and he is saying goodbye to Queen Gorgo:

Queen Gorgo:  Spartan.

King Leonidas:  Yes, my lady?

Queen Gorgo:  Come back with your shield.  Or on it.

Now many find this call to martyrdom hard to relate to.  However, the director’s cut of the scene has a much different emphasis:

Queen Gorgo:  Come back with your shield.  Or on it. (She leaves.)

King Leonidas: Thanks for the motivational speech.  (Under his breath)  Bitch!

Queen Gorgo:  (Off camera) What did you say?

King Leonidas:  Nothing…….honey.  Love you! (She throws a rock at him.)  Oh Oh.  She’ PO’d.  Flee!  Flee Spartans flee!  (They run away.)

Now the director’s cut version of the scene clearly shows why King Leonidas and the Spartans were so eager to embrace death:  They were married.  Modern man can relate.

In another scene King Leonidas is about to throw his spear at King Xerxes:

Dilios:  His shield was heavy.  It threw him off balance.  And his target is far away. (Leonidas throws his spear at King Xerxes.)

Compare that with the director’s cut:

Dilios:  His shield was heavy.  His target was far away.  And he had just blown his elbow out.

King Leonidas:  My ulnar collateral ligament on my elbow has become torn from the repetitive stress from throwing all these spears.  I can’t even lift my arm.

Dilios:  What about Tommy John surgery?

King Leonidas:  I don’t have insurance.  I guess I’ll have to be content with wounding Xerxes with my razor sharp wit.  Hey Xerxes!  Go home you bad bad Persian!

The director’s cut clearly shows the price any nation pays because of rising medical costs.  If only the Spartans had universal, public option heath insurance they might have won the battle.

And finally there is the scene where King Leonidas meets the messenger of Xerxes in Sparta:

King Leonidas:  Submission.  Well, that’s a bit of a problem.  See, rumor has it the Athenians have already turned you down.  And if those philosophers and boy lovers have found that kind of nerve!

The director’s cut has a modern and timely thrust to it:

King Leonidas:  Submission.  Well, that’s a bit of a problem.  See, rumor has it the Athenians have already turned you down. And if those philosophers and boy lovers –

Spartan soldier:  Where are the boys?

King Leonidas:  Um.  Athens.

Spartan soldier:  It’s on to Athens for the boys!  Let’s go! (The soldiers leave while chanting, “Boys!  Boys!  Boys!”)

King Leonidas:  See what happens when they repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell?

I recommend all  my readers pick up the director’s cut DVD. It amazingly echoes many of today’s current events.


7 Responses

  1. The Jungers says:

    You forgot the part where Micheal Jackson comes out of the pit of doom and runs off with the soldiers to steal Athens little boys!

  2. Amazing stuff, MI.

    Little known fact: The director’s cut for “Patton” showed the great general advocating for unilateral disarmament in response to the Russian military.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    And let’s not forget the director’s cut to Saving Private Ryan where Tom Hank’s character shot Private Ryan and said “no one will miss him.”

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    ……..and don’t get me started on the director’s cut to It’s a Wonderful Life, where George Bailey takes an axe to his entire family and then blames his killing spree on “Jews and high sodium levels.”

  5. Karen Howes says:

    LOL… would definitely be better than the original version. Of course ANYTHING would be better than the original… my overall reaction to this movie being “WTF?”

  6. Matt says:

    “Athens for the boys.”

    I thought they were talking about San Fran Freako!

  7. MK says:

    “Spartan soldier: It’s on to Athens for the boys! Let’s go! (The soldiers leave while chanting, “Boys! Boys! Boys!”)”

    That’s the best.

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