The surprising phenomena known as the “No Labels” party is in the process of sweeping the nation.  In almost all of the 57 states of the Union citizens from every stripe of the liberal wing of the Democratic party have banded together to say “No more!” to partisan bickering from Republicans and their allies in the KKK and the Boy Scouts of America.

“I see an America that is being torn apart by partisan divisions” said Lisa Borders, one of the founders of the No Labels movement.  “Every day what we want done for America is being stopped by Republicans.  It is time for us in the progressive movement to temporarily hide our label so people will support us.”

The “No Labels” anthem, sung by Akon blared in the background.

“We wanted Seal. You know, the guy married to Heidi Klum to write the anthem but he wasn’t available.  So we hired Akon. It’s just as well.  He has no talent anyway so he was cheaper.  People with no talent are always cheaper, unless they work for MSNBC” said Borders.  New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg then took the stage to talk about what the No Label party hoped to accomplish:

Did our founding fathers want a land where people from opposite ends of the political spectrum fight for their beliefs?  I do not think so.  They wanted what I want.  The will of one person.  They wanted, if you will, a king-like personage who would who would have the best interests of his subjects at heart.  I myself might run for President on the No Labels party so it’s only fair that I tell you what I believe in.  I want what all billionaires want:  the money of the middle class redistributed to those with lower incomes. I want an America where people will do what I want.  Eat what I tell them to eat.  Drink what I tell them to drink.  And without partisan bickering!  Without being labeled as “intrusive meddlers” by those who oppose me.

Bloomberg left the stage to chants of “Bloomberg in 2012,”  “Bloomberg!  No labels!  No partisan opposition.  No sodium!” and “Bloomberg!  No devil dogs in school vending machines!”

Borders closed the rally by mentioning that the party platform of the No Labels party is now available online.

“It’s important for people to see that by believing in the progressive agenda we are not labeling ourselves.”

Also available on the party’s website will be “No Labels” badges.

“Those not wearing the No Labels badge we will label as our political enemies.”

Akon hopes the anthem he wrote will be a springboard to bigger and better things.

“I’m having a hard time paying the rent because I suck, you know.”

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