Frosty the Snowman Busted in Failed Suicide Bomb Attack

Radicalized snowman frosty wants to kill infidelsIn an undercover sting operation, FBI agents in conjunction with Homeland Security arrested a popular snowman by the the name of Frosty after he allegedly tried to set off an explosive at a Christmas tree lighting ceremony.

Frosty was arrested after he dialed a cell phone that he thought would set of a powerful explosive, potentially killing thousands that were attending the tree lighting. After Frosty was arrested witnesses say he was dragged, kicking and screaming, to a patrol car.

“Death to the infidel! Allah Akbar! Kill all crusaders!” was all Frosty said.

News of Frosty’s arrest has shocked his friends.  Said one:

He was just a normal snowman. No different than anybody else. Well, except he was sentient.  And he liked to smoke.  And he was way to friendly with the neighborhood boys and girls if you know what I mean.

Authorities believe Frosty became radicalized last Spring when he watched friends of his melt in the warmer weather.

“That was very traumatic for Frosty” said a neighbor.  “He kept pleading with us, ‘Help my friends.  They are all melting!’  we told him it was just the change of seasons and it would happen to him too.  That’s when he went North for the Summer.” 

On board the train taking him north Frosty allegedly hatched his scheme to become a suicide bomber, sending an email to a local imam:

I now know the truth about the crusaders.  They are evil.  Let’s do this.  Let’s strap some explosives to me.  I want to kill all the infidels.  But if you don’t have any openings for a suicide bomber I feel I can help in other ways.  I’m good at PowerPoint. Perhaps I can develop some jihad presentations?  Also I have desktop support experience, which might come in  handy.  If we are going to bring about an 8th Century caliphate, we better have our computers up and running.

When Frosty returned to his old neighborhood he was a changed snowman.

“He had this evil look in his eye” said a neighbor.  “Like Nick Nolte during a bender.

Another neighbor complained that when invited to parties, Frosty would try to hand out Korans and talked about going to Yemen to join “the holy war.”

“I finally stopped inviting him.  He smoked you know.  And that set a bad example for the kids.”

Frosty is currently being held in an undisclosed, high security location.

“We have the head snowball in one prison block and the torso snowball in another – for security’s sake” said a Homeland Security officer.

Frosty has yet to ask for a lawyer.  His only demands were for a prayer mat, a Koran and a DVD of Sleepless in Seattle.


8 Responses

  1. Another neighbor complained that when invited to parties, Frosty would try to hand out Korans and talked about going to Yemen to join “the holy war.”

    “I finally stopped inviting him. He smoked you know. And that set a bad example for the kids.”

    So you’re saying Nurse Mike Bloomberg was Frosty’s neighbor?


  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    CRS: Amazing I know. But thank God Bloomie was there to protect the kids.

  3. The Jungers says:

    Well just think if the S.S. (Smoking Spotters) had caught him!!!

  4. innominatus says:

    So now we gotta start profiling white guys – really, really white – to stop the next attack. Great.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Frosty: Touch my junk I’ll have you arrested.
    TSA agent: Sir, your junk is melting.

    TJ: Welcome to life in NYC. The S.S. are everywhere.

  6. mamasheadtrip says:

    Landed on you accidentally searching Google images. Clicked over from SHC post circa 2009.

  7. MK says:

    Yeah i think it was the smoking that did him in, we know the pc nannies are far more vicious when it comes to such unacceptable habits.

    If he has been seen with a trans-fat bag of chips or something, they’d have executed him on the spot.

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: Yep. You can blow us up but for god sakes don’t smoke!

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