Mark A., a 33 year old venture capitalist was looking at ads on Craigslist when he found one for a “slightly used continent.  Currently experiencing a financial crisis.  A perfect opportunity for a fixer upper.”

Mark immediately contacted his bankers and put together a deal to buy Europe for 5 million U.S. dollars.

“I’ve always wanted to own a continent” said Mark.  “South America was too expensive and Australia has too many Australians.  So Europe was perfect.”

The first thing he did was send over a team of engineers to survey the continent to see exactly what upgrades had to be made.  The engineers tested the wiring of Europe, checked the floorboards for rats and looked for blown fuses.  The only problems they encountered were in Ireland where they kept getting knee-capped.

“They were asking a lot of questions about Individual Retirement Accounts (IRAs).  I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding.”

The engineers reported back two pressing problems:  The lack of parking and the abundance of Luxembourgers.

Seeing an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone, Mark had Luxembourg paved over.

“No one will miss the Luxembourgers” said Mark.  “They are rude, loud-mouthed, like the Dutch too much and their cheese lingers in the air like a bad Steven Seagal movie.”

After spending an estimated additional 3 million to pave Luxembourg and upgrade Europe’s wiring, Mark plans to turn the continent into a Bed and Breakfast.

The Europeans themselves for the most part back the plan to turn their continent into a B&B.

“I just had to convince them that they can still retire at 59, take 3 hour lunches and go to college for free.  Once that was done they were solidly behind me.  Except for the Irish, who kept telling me that the Devil was going to cut off my head and make a days’ work of my neck.”

The European Bed and Breakfast is scheduled to open in March.  The Euro denomination will not be accepted.

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