Manhattan Infidel Presents the News in HD

HD TV opens up new worlds to Manhattan InfidelRecently I had my cable box upgraded, which provided me with the capability to view my favorite programs in High Definition.  I was curious as to whether there was in fact any difference.  What I found surprised me.

I started my investigation by turning to CBS news to watch the ever perky Miss Couric herself.  Watching her on a non-HD channel  was as expected.  Miss Couric looked the same as always: Katie Couric in non HD  She was talking about Bristol Palin’s sojourn on Dancing with the Stars and how it has permanently killed her mother’s hopes of being President.

However, when I switched to an HD channel I was shocked.  Not only was Miss Couric’s appearance radically transformed:  Katie Couric’s true appearance(and since it was HD I can only assume it is her true appearance) but the sound was different.  Instead of a story on Bristol Palin I heard this:

Couric:  I sure hope no one’s watching me in HD because I look hideous.  Oh Hell, what does it  matter.  No one watches my program anymore.  I might as well crack open a beer, kick back and watch some NASCAR.

Switching to MSNBC I watched Keith Olbermann for a few minutes.  Olbermann was denouncing the blogosphere and in particular yours truly:

Olbermann:  Manhattan Infidel – You are the worst person in the world!!!!!

Naturally I was shocked.  I turned to the HD channel to see if he was saying the same thing.  As was the case with Couric, Olbermann’s appearance was radically altered: Keith Olbermann’s true appearance  And instead of him ranting about the blogosphere I heard this:

Olbermann in HD:  I like ice cream.  I eat it all the time.  I eat ice cream because no one will play with  me.

With my curiosity piqued I turned to sports and put on a Yankee game.  From the HD channel I was watching I heard Yankee announcer Ken Singleton say:

Singleton:  There you have it folks.  A.J. Burnett has just pitched his 10th straight complete game shutout and Jorge Posada has broken the single season record for stolen bases.  These Yankees are young and they are fast!

I have no explanation for the radical difference between the normal and HD TV viewing experience.  Perhaps one of my readers with a background in science or technology can let me know the reason.

As for now, I’ll be using my HD TV to view porn.  Only porn.  It’s for science people!


6 Responses

  1. America has ignored this threat for too long. I think it’s time we all faced the unrelenting horror that is HD TV.

    You’ve done a public service with this post, MI. Bless you, sir.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KS: I am still waiting for my Pulitzer prize. But they will never give it to me because they are afraid of me.

  3. innominatus says:

    I still don’t have HD, and this news makes me want to keep it that way.

    Actually, it makes me want to go back to playing with my rabbit ears.

    Wait, that didn’t come out right…

  4. The Jungers says:

    Infidel here in South Dakota we have already set up a program called the I.O.Y.M.W.P.O.H.D (Institute Of Young Men Watching Porn On High Definition). We are a secret Government agency now that you know our name we must kill you, but first you must hand over any of your findings for we haven’t been able to find tests subjects due to budget cuts.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: rabbit ears? I knew you people on the left coast were kinky but come on!

    TJ: My findings will be released on Wikileaks.

  6. Mark says:

    Ron Jeremy in HD looks like Brad Pitt.

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