My Exclusive Interview with Gandalf the White

You shall not pass……up these savings!Gandalf the White cut a dramatic figure, his staff in his hand.

“You shall NOT pass…….up these great savings opportunities.  All week at select stores.  Tell them Gandalf the White sent you.”

The director yelled “Cut!” and another take was filmed.  Between takes I had the opportunity to sit down with this legendary figure of Middle Earth.

MI:  Gandalf I want to thank you for meeting with me.  Lots of your fans want to know, why all the commercials?

Gandalf:  Well, a wizard’s got to make a living.  Saving Middle Earth was very rewarding but I still have to pay the bills.

MI:  Have you talked to the others?  Do you still stay in touch?

Gandalf:  Not really.  Sam Gangee is married now.  Frodo spends most of time alone brooding.  And don’t get me started on Legolas and Gimli and their relationship.  I was trying to sneak into Mordor and save middle Earth and those two kept going off together to swap bodily fluids.

MI:  They’re married now.

Gandalf:  I heard.

MI:  You started out as Gandalf the Grey, died and came back as Gandalf the White.  What’s it like coming back from the dead and being a White?  Any difference?

Gandalf:  To tell the truth I was disappointed.   I mean I fell into a deep subterranean cavern and battled a balrog for two days and nights.  He killed me.  I’d heard so many myths about Whites and when I came back as a White I was expecting more I guess.

MI:  No extra powers?

Gandalf:  Nothing.  All I got was a parking space, a gold watch and tickets to see Celine Dion.  I tell you I was so angry I almost converted to Lutheranism.

MI:  What’s the biggest misconception people have about wizards?

Gandalf:  People think most of us are English. Actually a lot of us come from California.

MI:  So for now you’ll continue with the commercials?

Gandalf:  I don’t see why not.  They pay me well.  Apparently I have a high “likeability” factor.  I came in third in survey behind the guy who narrates Deadliest Catch and Eminem.  That’s why I was hired to be the corporate spokesman for Wal-Mart.

MI:  Again,  I thank you for your time.

Gandalf:  You shall not pass……up these great savings opportunities!

MI:  Yeah, I’ve heard it before.

Gandalf:  Sorry.  I get paid a royalty every time I say it.

Gandalf will be appearing at the Wal-Mart in Bayonne New Jersey all next week.  The first 500 in attendance get a signed photograph.


8 Responses

  1. Great interview.

    The worst thing about Celine Dion tickets? They’re almost impossible to scalp unless you’re in Greenwich Village or West Hollywood.

  2. The Jungers says:

    What a waste of potential, why couldn’t he go and have Hollywood redo the Eragon movie (biggest fail of a movie since (phantom sith) ?

  3. The Jungers says:

    Correction- What a waste of potential, why couldn’t he go and redo the Eragon movie (biggest fail since Phantom Menace)

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KingS: Even in the village, Lady Gaga has replaced Celine. No wonder Gandalf was pissed.

    TJ: For that to happen Gandalf woud have to die again and come back as Gandalf the studio executive. (more powers, more cocaine, better parking.)

  5. The Jungers says:

    I like this idea more and more.

  6. Karen Howes says:

    Great, no-holds-barred interview, as usual, Infidel.

    Can you interview Dumbledore too? Oh wait, he’s dead… never mind…

  7. MK says:

    I needed that laugh, thanks mate.

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KH: I’ll interview dumbledore when he comes back from the dead.

    MK: Thanks.

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