Hard Times Befall Sesame Street

Residents of Sesame Street during a block partySesame Street, tucked away in upper Manhattan in New York City, once the poster child for urban recovery, has fallen on hard times as of late.

“It’s seen a dramatic increase in violent crime the past year” said NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly.  “I fear we just don’t have the resources to keep the streets safe.”

Indeed, the latest crime stats released show a 40% increase in murder over 2009, with a 25% increase in rape and 10% in robbery.

The culprit:  Drugs.

The NYPD has fought a losing battle against the drug traffic on Sesame Street.  Despite their best efforts drug use has escalated.

“We can arrest all the small time dealers and users we want” said Kelly.  “But until we get the big man – the Cookie Monster – the drug trade will continue unabated.”

New York police have been stymied in their efforts to catch the Cookie Monster, in part because of Mr. Monster’s political connections to Al Sharpton and Charlie Rangel.

 “The last time we arrested him his lawyer came and bailed him out. He just thumbed his nose at us and said, ‘You can’t catch me Whitey.’ ”

Many residents of Sesame Street are now fearful of leaving their residences at night.  Count Von Count (pictured here)  A fearful Count Von Count may move to Yonkerswho runs the local Gay Men’s Health Crisis Center says that he “doesn’t leave my place at night anymore.  Not even for twinks.  I mean twinkies. If this keeps up I may move to Yonkers.”

The straw that broke the camel’s back for many on Sesame Street was the murder of beloved long-time resident Big Bird.  Bird, who was well respected on the Street for his efforts to help children get an education was gunned down during a block party.

“This car pulled up and shot him twice in the head and twice in the groin.  It was a f$*&#*g execution I tell you” said a witness.

Police believe that Big Bird, who had started a “Keep kids off drugs” after school program may have fallen afoul of the Cookie Monster.

Mr.  Monster when reached for comment told reporters that “I had nothing to do with that.  Don’t spread lies kid or you might have an accident.  Kapish?”

Regardless of who was responsible, many residents and shopkeepers have already left Sesame Street.  A quick tour of the neighborhood showed many boarded up storefronts.

“It’s going to get worse before it gets better” said Commissioner Kelly.  “I just hope the residents don’t lose hope.”


9 Responses

  1. Mr. Hooper’s untimely end also hurt Da Street, ya feel me?

  2. The Jungers says:

    Blame Bush!!!!

  3. innominatus says:

    I had Big Bird for Thanksgiving. But don’t tell the cops, K?

  4. The Jungers says:

    Bribe me to keep quiet

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KingShamus: Mr. Hooper was a drug runner himself. He died in a turf war.

    Inn: Killer!

    Jungers: I will not offer a bribe. I believe the truth will win out. It wasn’t Bush’s fault. It was Sara Palin’s.

  6. Matt says:

    I wish we could confirm one of my theories about Sesame Street, that Elmo is a serial killer.

  7. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: Elmo works for the government. Any killings were authorized by the CIA.

  8. MK says:

    Yeah, blame Bush and the CIA.

    Seriously though, i’ve been watching some TV series out of America and i see what the drug and gang culture is like among blacks out there. Damn it’s vicious and unrelenting and from what i can see the only way out is for blacks to learn to love their children more than themselves. No one else can help them.

  9. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: Plus, the liberal elite keep glamorizing street culture making it more attractive. It’s a vicious cycle.

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