In Surprise Move North Korean Leader Kim Jong-il Names Goat as Successor

The new Dear Leader of North KoreaIn a move that has surprised many observers of international politics, North Korean leader Kim Jong-il has named a goat as the new Dear Leader of the communist nation of North Korea.

Before the announcement it was thought that the front runners were his son, Kim Jong-un, his sister Kim Kyong-hui or Daffy Duck.

The goat, Kim Jong-baaaaah, is four years old and is already a major general in North Korea’s army.

Analysts praise the move, citing the fact that the goat, having lived his entire life on a diet of grass will be able to sympathize with the average North Korean.

“His grass-eating ways will endear him to the commoner in North Korea” said one political analyst.  “They (the common man) suffer through food shortages and often have to eat grass as well.  Now they can say ‘Our leader is one of us.’ ”

Not much is known about Kim Jong-baaaaah in the West other than the fact that he likes to defecate outdoors, attended Harvard and is considered something of a constitutional scholar in the goat community.

Excerpts from Bob Woodward’s new book, “Goat” portray Kim Jong-baaaaah as deep-thinking and at times anguished by the choices he has to make. Recently I sat down with Woodward and asked him about his impressions of Kim Jong-baaaaah.

“Well, he’s an intellectual as you know” said Woodward.  “He has a degree from Harvard. And so intellectually he realizes that the situation is very hard.”

I asked Woodward if Kim Jong-baaaaah seemed to be struggling with his new role.

Definitely.  Definitely.  I asked him point blank if North Korea had access to nuclear weapons.  He looked straight into my eyes and didn’t say anything at first. He put his head down and chewed on some grass. Then after a few seconds he raised his head, licked my hand and defecated on my shoes.  And for the first time I could see his internal struggle, his intellectual struggle.  Clearly this is a pacifist goat by nature but he’s dealing with the military.  He’s dealing with political advisers.  Kim Jong-baaaaah is going to be a deep-thinker on the world stage.

Hollywood already has plans to make a movie on Kim Jong-baaaaah’s life.  Those who have expressed interest in the role include Matt Damon and Sean Penn though it is believed that Sarah Jessica Parker has the inside track to play the goat.



4 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    He’d probably do pretty well too, if only we were better informed.

  2. Mark says:

    We should sit and talk with him. No preconditions.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:


  4. MK says:

    “Those who have expressed interest in the role include Matt Damon and Sean Penn though it is believed that Sarah Jessica Parker has the inside track to play the goat.”

    Hang on, what about michael moore, we all know how much that fat sack of leftist crap loves mass-murdering, ruthless dictators. Mmmmmm, maybe he doesn’t want fidel to get the wrong idea that, you know…. he’s not just fidels bumboy.

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