Last week was the annual fright fest all Manhattanites hate where all the world leaders come to the U.N.  Streets are closed.  Life is disrupted and traffic is a nightmare.  For me, despite all of the above I did have the chance to interview the supreme leader of the Iranian Republic, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

MI:  Mr. President I thank you for your time.  I know you are a busy man

Ahmadinejad:  Yes, yes.  I am very busy in Iran definitely NOT creating weapons grade plutonium to bomb Israel.

MI:  This is your second trip to New York –

Ahmadinejad:  Third.  

MI:  Third?

Ahmadinejad:  Yes.  I was here in 1980 to see the Grateful Dead at Radio City Music Hall.  I had to camp out all weekend in the street to get tickets.  Those were wild, crazy days.

MI:  What do you like about New York?

Ahmadinejad:  Everything.  It’s the greatest city in the world.  Broadway shows.  Restaurants.  But if I had to choose I’d say it’s the bagels.  New York has so many great Jewish delis.   Bagels and lox.  You just can’t get them as good in Tehran.

MI:  Could it be because you are persecuting the Jews?

Ahmadinejad:  No.  I think it’s the cream cheese.

MI:  During your speech at the U.N. you asked for an investigation into the events of 9/11 and implied that that the U.S. was behind it.

Ahmadinejad:  Did you see the U.S. ambassador walk out?  That hurt me.  We were supposed to go to a Woody Allen film festival together.  Instead I had to sit in my hotel room and watch Keith Olbermann.  Talk about the Great Satan!

MI:  What is your impression of America?

Ahmadinejad:  It’s a great country but seriously what happened on LOST?  They still didn’t explain the Island to me.  And don’t tell me it’s just a plot device. I want answers!  I blame the Zionists!

MI:  What’s next for Iran?  Where do you see U.S.-Iranian relations in a couple years?

Ahmadinejad:  Well after I acquire enough weapons-grade plutonium to nuke Israel –

MI:  Excuse me?

Ahmadinejad:  I mean after I definitely do NOT nuke Israel I see warmer relations between the Islamic Republic of Iran and the Great Satan.  It’s in my best interests.  I love your bagels and lox.

MI:  Well, if it serves the cause of peace then I’m all for it.  I thank you for you time.

Ahmadinejad:  It’s been my pleasure.  I have several more interviews to go.  My next interview is with a guy named KingShamus.  He’s going to bring over something called a KFC double down.  He’s says they’re tasty.

MI: I better leave before the explosion.

Next year I’m hoping to interview Hugo Chavez.

*** Breaking news ***

An explosion has been reported in Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s hotel room.  Witnesses say there was a blinding flash followed by a tidal wave of bacon, mystery sauce and what may be Pepperjack cheese.  Police are investigating.

*** Breaking news ***

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