Hello fellow Americans. Are you worried about today’s sluggish economy? Have you recently been laid off from your job and do not have any prospects? Are the jobs you are finding entry level that do not pay what you are used to? Do not fear. Come to Bell California: A paradise by the Pacific where high-paying government jobs await! Here are just some of the benefits:
- At Bell California part time jobs in the city government start at $100,000!
- Work from home 20 hours a week.
- Be your own boss!
- Parking privileges! Never worry about a traffic ticket again!
- After two years on the job base salaries for top city officials rise to $1,000,000 a year not including overtime!
- Dental, eye and medical coverage free!
- Have the opportunity to meet exciting law enforcement types like our previous Mayor (see below).
I know what you are saying.
“This seems too good to be true. What do I have to do to be eligible for all these benefits?”
Simple. Once a month you must attend a town hall meeting. Many of our citizens will be at these meetings. Some (usually the lower classes) will feel the need to redress grievances.
Do not fear! Remember this: You do not work for them! You work for the government. No private citizen has the right to complain to you. If they persist you can legally raise their property taxes!
And don’t forget, with our proximity to Hollywood a story could be made of your life. How would you like to have an A-list top star (perhaps Jimmy Smits) play you in a TV movie?
So come to Bell California and enjoy the American dream!
Offer limited to the continental United States. Void where prohibited by law.
(1755)
Bell, California should be nuked.
There I said it.
Amazing post. Thanks for info.
CRS: Nuked it shall be. And on a totally unrelated note, I just bought my tickets to the American League Division and Championship Series. Right now I’m hoping the Yanks don’t have home field advantage. If they do the games will be played on nights I work so I won’t be able to go. So….let’s go Tampa and Minnesota – time to start that winning streak.
SW: Thanks.
Dang. I’d finally gotten over my Jimmy Smits man-crush and you just had to go ahead and mention him. I’ll be in the bathroom with a potato peeler trying to remove my “I Jimmy” tattoo…
Bummer. WordPress didn’t like my “heart” thingy that was supposed to be part of the tattoo. Somehow this makes a bad situation even worse.
Inn: The great and good (even though his new show sucks) Jimmy Smits forgives you. You know he’s a Wham! fan.
Is it wrong that I think the “big one” will be well deserved? Really, I think it will be nature’s way of shaking off the fail!
Matt: Is it too late to give California back to Mexico?
What Shamus said. Though I’ve been saying California should be nuked, along with Britain, for awhile now.
California is now the model if anyone ever wants to become fiscally irresponsible and flat-broke. Thank you liberal scum for turning yet another fine place to sh!t.
MK: Yes California definitely deserves to be thrown to the wolves. It used to be a paradise. Now it is a failed nation state.