Noted filmmaker Michael Moore, champion of the working class, has announced that he will personally eat his way through 2300 feet of rock to rescue the trapped Chilean miners.

“This is so typical of capitalism” said the hero Moore.   “The working man has to suffer and put himself in harms way to satisfy the rich man’s insatiable appetite for destroying the environment.  Hey, is that a cheeseburger?”

Moore said he got the idea to eat his way to them after watching coverage of the trapped miners, many who are showing signs of cabin fever.

“It is unconscionable that they will be down there until December and miss the release date of my new documentary” said Moore as he ate an entire large pizza in one bite.

As the drills used to reach the miners have continuously broken, Moore knew it was time to step in.

Never before has a man eaten his way through 2000 feet of solid rock.  Moore says he is undaunted by the logistics of the operation and has been in training for just such an emergency.

“The Fourth of July hot dog eating contest on Coney Island?  Child’s play.”

Moore then recounted what he has eaten recently:  His wife, the mailman, the delivery boy who brings pizza, his house, a school bus filled with children, Ford Field, home of the Detroit Lions, and the upper peninsula of Michigan.

“That (the peninsula) was hard to do.  It was very muddy.  But with some steak sauce and pepperoni toppings I was able to accomplish my goal.”

Despite criticism that it was a publicity stunt or that he would be unable to reach the miners, many in Chile welcome Moore’s attempt.  Sebastian Pinera, President of Chile held a press conference where he welcomed Moore to the country and extended the “hand of friendship.”

Moore thanked the President before basting the President’s hand in ranch sauce and eating it.

Barring an accident or indigestion, Moore says he should be able to reach the miners within a week to ten days.  After freeing them he will travel to Cuba to have his stomach pumped.

“Cuba has the greatest health care system in the world!  Hey, is that a cheeseburger?”

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