Obama Touts "Autumn of Recovery"

Worldwide sensation and heart throb Barack ObamaHitting the campaign trail in the weeks before the midterm elections, President Obama has a new message for the public.

“This is the autumn of recovery” Obama told cheering supporters.   “The Republicans don’t want you to know about the good economic news.   My policies are responsible for this.”

As the Secret Service patrolled the crowd, looking for those who oppose the President, aides handed out portable fans to the crowd in case anyone felt faint.

“Because of my stimulus plan, the unemployment rate has risen to ten percent.  Without the stimulus the unemployment rate would have remained at seven percent.  You see, that’s an increase.  I take full responsibility for that.”

Someone in the crowd reminded the President that unemployment rates are supposed to go down.  The President glared at the man  and accused him of playing politics.

“You see.  This man comes here with his talking points. He’s a Republican plant.”

As the crowd booed the man President Obama asked him what college he went to.  The man answered that he went to a state university.

“A state university? Well, I guess that makes you an expert on the economy” the President sarcastically answered.  “Unlike you, I’ve been to Harvard.  That makes me an expert.”

After the man was taken away by Secret Service agents, President Obama then went on to talk about his signature health care overhaul.

“The Republicans also don’t want you to know that everyone now has access to cheaper health care.”

A man identifying himself as a small business owner told the President that his premiums have actually gone up since the health care overhaul.

“What is it with the Republicans?” the President responded.  “They aren’t interested in debate.  All they have is their petty politics.  I won the election.  I won.  I’m the President.  The Republicans treat me like a dog!”

The President ended the rally by reminding people that “our unsupportable debt will not bankrupt this country for at least ten years.  If I hadn’t signed the stimulus we’d be bankrupt in 20 years, thanks to George Bush.  You see, again my policies have moved things up.”

As the President left the stage, the Secret Service handed out bread to those in attendance, “courtesy of the Emperor.  I mean the President.”



4 Responses

  1. At least they didn’t hand out gubmint cheese.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    CRS: The gubmint cheese is being shipped to Afghanistan to be used as body armor.

  3. Matt says:

    What kind of plants are Republican?

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    matt: obviously gardenias

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