From Cancun, Mexico where the U.N. is holding its latest climate change summit, Rajenda Pachauri, head of the IPCC, wiped the sweat from his brow.

“It’s hot here in Mexico” he told assembled reporters. “Hot hot hot!  If the fact that Cancun is sweltering through a heat wave doesn’t prove the validity of man-made global warming what does?”

As Mr. Pachauri spoke to reporters, several scientists from the IPCC applied sunscreen to their noses in hopes of warding off blisters.

Reeling from criticism that the IPPC’s last report on climate change was filled with fraud and inaccuracy, most notably the claim that glaciers retreated from North America 20,000 years ago because of “the white man“, the conference was designed to show that the organization is still relevant.

The science of man-made global warming has been proven.  It is incontrovertible.  The debate is over.  Those who disagree with us are ideologically-driven fools. Fools I tell you! From the moment man first set foot on Earth aboard space ships from Mars they have had a negative effect on the climate of our dear Mother Earth.  The extinction of the dinosaur?  Caused by the martian-man. Ice ages?  Everyone knows that glaciers advance and retreat depending on how high or low the ancient man set his thermostat.  Despite all this evidence people still doubt our findings?  They still insist on driving cars?  I was talking about this with some other scientists as we flew down here.  Sometimes I doubt the inherent intelligence of the martian-man.

As IPCC assistants fanned him, Mr. Pachauri ended his statement on a note of defiance.

“If it weren’t for the fact that I have a painful sunburn I’d personally beat up all those who doubt our findings.”

He then announced that the next IPCC meeting will be held in Quito, Ecuador, near the equator.

“I just hope the conference center has air conditioning. It’s hard to talk about the dangers of greenhouse gas emission when you are sweating like a pig.”

(553)